4/7/06

Lost and Found

Every week or so we get an e-mail from the security department that lists the stuff that people have turned in to the security desk. Jewelry, hats, scarves, pins, buttons, colon accelerator cards, you name it.

We got two in the last two weeks, and there's something I find a little odd. Tell me if you see it:


Lost & Found:

Turned in this morning: one faux pearl earring on a silver French hook.

If you wish to claim this item, please come to the Security desk.


Thank you,

Tim Smith

and this one:


Lost & Found:

Just turned in: one 14K gold threader earring w/ two twisted, dangling stems on a chain.

If you wish to claim this item, please come to the Security desk.

Thank you,

Tim Smith

OK, here's the thing. Don't those descriptions seem a little...flamboyant to you? Nothing against an accurate description, but these are creeping me out a bit.

In fact, I am willing to bet that Tim knows much more about playing dress-up than he lets on. He's never worn red pumps to work or anything, but still....lace panties aren't completely out of the question.

If I had been asked to send these emails they would have been more like "a gold earring, with some hanging thing, and some other hanging thing, and some chain....and - ah, fuck it. It's an earring. If you have one that matches this one, it's yours."

When I have time later, I will tell you all about Trident's new flavorific gums -- Tropical Twist and Watermelon Twist -- and why you should never, ever put them in your mouth under any circumstances.

5 comments:

  1. I'm totally on board on this one. My money is on Tim Smith having an alternate identity like, Latoya Jackyason or Miss-Tique.

    I'm betting he works here on the weekends: http://www.planetluckychengs.com/

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  2. my guess is he designs jewelry web sites on the side...

    or his dad is a jeweler. check to see if he's wearing a pinky ring; a dead give-away to being:
    a-faggola
    b-in the rock biz
    c-in the mafia

    gotta watch out for those security guys. he may be a mole.

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  3. mckay missed out d on the pinky ring thing:
    d Prince charles

    ReplyDelete
  4. damn, I forgot to look today.

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  5. Anonymous6:40 PM

    My question is how he knows it's a faux pearl and how he knows it's 14k gold. I'm bettin' Timmy got 'em appraised before deciding whether to keep them or e-mail the list.

    ReplyDelete