4/21/06

$ensory Overload.

I get roughly 937 catalogs in the mail every day. I would estimate that on any given day, about 314 of them are Victoria's Secret catalogs, and I'm not complaining about that because a man can never have too much Gisele. I would, however, like to complain about the other catalogs, because they are generally from companies I've never ordered from, or in most cases, even heard of.

Today I stumbled on a catalog for a place called Free People, and they are trying to be fresh and funky, along the lines of Anthropologie. Anthropologie tends to hire some "unusual looking" models -- not what you'd normally call model material.

It seems that Free People is taking a similar approach. In fact I believe they've taken it several steps farther, and actually hired homeless crack addicts as their models. From looking at some of their fashions, I am guessing that their clothing designs are inspired by this same subculture.

On the first page I turn to is this beauty:



Not terrible at first glance, right? Once you get past the toothpick-like arms, the inverted breasts and the fact that you can actually almost see her skull through her skin, she is not quite attractive in a Mischa-Barton-on-the-third-day-of-a-meth-bender sort of way.

But let's take a closer look:



Holy orthodontics, Batman! This chick has a gap between her teeth that David Letterman could crawl through sideways.

This is a full-blown case of Toofs. No question.

I have no idea what possessed the art director of the magazine to have her actually open her mouth during the photo shoot, but there it is.

I am thinking they should maybe change the name of the store to Dentist-Free People.

6 comments:

  1. ugh, what is she...british?

    actually, I heard that crooked toofs are "in" right now.

    morons.

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  2. Remember back in the olden days when you had to actually be pretty to be a model? Now you just have to be tall and thin. Gross.

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  3. It looks like the heroin sheik look is still going on. .what's wrong with a nice rack and a round ass?. . .skinny and bad teeth. . .and modeling. Hmmmmm. I'm so in the wrong business!!

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  4. clearly I'm the only one round here who thinks she is rather pretty, although way too thin.

    As for toofs, may I represent the great British public by saying we totally do not get the US obsession with spending a fortune and undergoing much pain to end up with what looks like a mouthful of shiny false teeth.

    Having said that, hers are bad, too bad to be British given her age. I'm guessing she's Russian given that's where most models seem to come from nowadays.

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  5. wait -- aren't all those orbit gum chicks british? They all have shiny perfect teeth.

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  6. well clearly if they are trying to sell to the US. I can see this going down a blast in Texas - chew Orbit and get British toofs

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