8/1/05

Always plan your day.

Lately, I've been hearing a lot about something called Craig's List. I heard about it first on the radio, and then one of my friends mentioned it to me. He was telling me that it started in the San Fransciso Bay area, and it was basically a portal to everything -- stuff for sale, jobs, personal ads, musicians looking for gigs, bands looking for musicians, you name it. I guess it's been expanding into other major cities as well.

So today I saw a link to it from someone else's blog, and I clicked on it. He wasn't kidding. There is a link to EVERYTHING from there. But the big one seemed to be the personals section.

I always get a kick out of the personals in our local Metroland Magazine, which includes an "adult" section full of ads for escort services, book stores, strip clubs, etc. The personal ads in this section are truly hilarious. With that in mind, I decided I'd see what Craig's list had to offer. I clicked on NY, and then clicked on Man Seeking Woman, just to see what sort of lines my brothers in arms are using to attract the ladies these days. I've been off the market for a while now, and based on what I usually run across perusing the personal ads, I'm actually very glad of that fact.

The first ad I see is from Jayson, and it is posted at 7:25am this morning. It goes like this:

SINGLE BLACK MALE (SBM 7-1/2") LOOKING FOR MONDAY SENSUAL ENCOUNTER

2005-08-01, 7:25AM EDT


25 yr old sbm with carmel skin, 6`3 220lbs, slightly muscular, with blk hair and brown eyes and a 7 1/2" package. I have an interview in the city tomorrow around 10am to 11:30am and would like to spend the afternoon or lunch time pleasuring a lovely lady. I am a funny guy, smart, laid back, charming and fun to be around. I love giving massages and to give women great oral:) among other things. We can meet for coffee and see what happens afterwards if there is chemistry. I cant host but can assure u I will make the visit to u well worth it, if the pic below gives any idea:).Age and race do not matter. If interested please send me informaton of a public place u would like to meet at to see if u like what u see, & what u look like and we can go from there as I have to get ready by 8:30am.Sometimes spontinatity can fun:)

jayson

He included this picture:



Holy crap, where do I start? First off, am I crazy, or didn't it used to be the age that was included in the subject description? Apparently, it's now customary to get the junk size right up front. I can only assume that this is for the convenience of the ladies, so they can quickly peruse and discount anything under, say, 6.75 inches. (or over 3 inches if they're a lady dwarf or something.)

I think that since Craig's list is entirely internet based, it would be an easy thing to create a back-end (!) database where you could just click a button and sort by package size. This would probably save a ton time for all involved. You know how you generally skip calling on the used car ads that sound really good but don't list the mileage? You know it sounds too good to be true, and it'll just be a waste of your time. Same thing applies here. If the junk size isn't mentioned right up front ladies -- skip to the next ad.

Secondly, this is clearly a man who likes to plan his day. I can picture the check list on the fridge:



Also, it's nice to know that "age and race do not matter." I suppose when you're trying to line something up this quickly, you can't really be all that picky. I mean, he's got like an hour total to write this ad, post it, get a response and set up a meeting. He probably should have thrown 'sex' and quite possibly 'species' in that list of things that don't matter, because that's about the only way he's going to be able to set something up this quickly unless he's Usher or something.

So let's see if I can sum up his thought processes here:

"Hey, Baby. Get back to me in the next hour, and we'll have some coffee, then some oral, and then maybe something like what is in this picture, which I have included just in case I was a little obscure and you didn't really understand what I had in mind. ps - if you are ugly, I plan to keep walking."

Spontinatity can be fun.

Oh, and baby got back.

Damn.

13 comments:

  1. FREAKY-Deaky. Those ads always make me laugh. But, he didn't give the circumference like so many men do... shame on him!

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  2. ...jv, what would he say if a guy called & said 'ya, i've got a horse i want to breed, maybe you could be her stud?'
    LibbY!

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  3. I can't believe he got a response to that. What girl is sitting eating her Wheaties in the morning browsing Craigslist saying, "Let's see if I can set up some oral this afternoon."

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  4. Heh you should check out tribe.net. It was craigslist and tribe that spawned the crazy roomate ads I posted about.

    I wouldn't be surprised at all if that guy managed to hook up his afternoon quicky.

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  5. I'd bet money the guy is a male escort , gigolo, whore by any other name. he is looking to make some money, otherwise why advertise so thoroughly?

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  6. Smoove B4:18 PM

    I like to plan my day.

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  7. Holy cow, he posted that picture and everything??? I bet he's married and looking for some quick action while he's away from home.

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  8. LMAO!! Well, he's very up front. Ya gotta respect that!

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  9. Why's he feel it necessary to point out that he's funny. He's looking to meet, get it on, and then split. Where's the joke crackin' fit into the schedule?

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  10. So how did this guy first get started? "Looking for a perfect 10 for a quick grope on the rush hour A-train" or "Will expose self to fashion model types on Mott Street between 9 and 9:15 a.m. tomorrow." Gradually, he became more infatuated with the back-alley-quickie, though he realized all too quickly he'd have to forfeit selectivity.
    Poor bastard.

    (have had a devil of a time getting to your site lately ... everytime I went to comment, 17 new pages would open up. Must have just been me)

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  11. dunno WH, seems ok to me...

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  12. Lord have mercy what is this world coming to?! LMAO!!

    Libby, I really think you outta put that offer out to him. Sounds like he'll need a back up plan if there's no 'chemistry'. I mean seriously, how much chemistry do you need to screw a complete stranger??

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  13. now i won't be able to sleep tonight, not knowing whether or not the gentleman found his lady of the afternoon. sigh. guess i'll be up late watching letterman tonight..

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