1/2/08

Things on Trees.

I always look at tree ornaments. I don't know why. Probably because I have so many different weird ornaments on my own Christmas tree that I like to see if anyone else has stuff like mine. You might remember Just Jack, the ornament I received from Yort last year. That thing freaked me right the hell out.

So long story short, I got looking at our friend's tree at a little house party they hosted on New Year's Eve. They all know I have a blog, so when I started not-so-surreptitiously snapping photos of their ornaments, they pretty much knew what was going to happen.

Let's start with this one:



I have nicknamed him Yul, the Hairless Angel. He wears a burlap dress and I believe his wings rotted off ages ago. According to the owner, he is an antique. According to me, he is a tiny Boy George on a string:



I'm not exactly sure what's going on here:



I always figure Pooh for a catcher instead of a pitcher, but come to think of it, he was always getting his stuff stuck in pots and trees and things, so I could be wrong.

This last one freaked me out a little:



No mouth. No nose. No ears. Fused hands. Empty sockets where the eyes are supposed to be.

And it flies.

If those aren't the ingredients for a guaranteed nightmare, I'm not sure what is. I took more than one picture of it since it was really creepy -- and today, when I uploaded them to the computer, I saw this:



I may never sleep again.

Anyway, Happy New Year and all that. Get on those resolutions, and also check out humor-blogs.com. They have a review page, and supposedly my blog is coming up. If they give me a crappy review, I'll be needing a hacker. So if you know of anybody, send them my way. Thanks.

52 comments:

  1. Now why do you have to go and post something all creepy like that? And like a fool, I took a look at Jack too. WTF? I was just getting ready to go to bed too. You might have caused me to have to sleep with my husband tonight, I mean for protection from scary ass Christmas ornaments....thanks alot!!!

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  2. I have some creepy ornaments too--birds whose wings have fallen off, bald angels, etc. Must sort them out before you come to my house.

    Ah, and happy new year.

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  3. The Boy George ornament is uncanny. The Angel with the eyes? Seriously, one of the scariest things I have ever seen. thanks for that. Happy New Year. Thanks for the laughs.

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  4. My fave: my bro has an ornament of the Holy Family, with Mary pretty normal but Joseph looking into the manger with his eyes crossed. On the back, the caption: "Joseph teaching the Baby Jesus to make Goofy Faces."

    Nice to know he was a good dad!

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  5. Ah! That is so cute! A little Michael Myers angel. Which means no matter what you do to it, it will just keep coming back.

    Don't go over there any more.

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  6. Boy, you do have creepy ornaments. What did you get this year...a clown ornament?

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  7. Those scared the crap out of me.

    Happy New Year!

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  8. I don't think I could sleep with ornaments like that in the house!

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  9. "No mouth. No nose. No ears. Fused hands. Empty sockets where the eyes are supposed to be." I think I saw her on an episode of The Twilight Zone!

    Happy new year!

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  10. I think next year you should do a tree that is all clowns.

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  11. I was just thinking thank God, there are no clowns. And then Kimberly makes the suggestion. Thanks, Kimberly! I will be having nightmares for sure about a clown tree!

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  12. those eyes. oh god they are creepy.

    wow.

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  13. Johnny, you ranked #1 on the rating/list. Score of 84. Noice wan, mate! (To confirm your love of Aussies.)

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  14. The only part of the tree decorating I ever liked was going through the old ornaments and putting my favorites ones on.

    Those were definitely creepy, except for the Pooh and Tigger. That's a classic scene from the old Pooh cartoons with Sebastien Cabot narrating. Pooh got bounced by Tigger - oy vey, that does sound dirty, doesn't it? I'm going to quit while I'm behind.

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  15. Great. Now my corneas are bleeding.

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  16. The craziest I eveer saw was a 6 or 7 inch long Old World Santa but it was carved like a penis Santa on one side with his red hood but the other side it was old helmet head.

    That is what happens when them old wood carvers in the back woods of Saranac get cabin fever.

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  17. Too bad you didn't notice the eyeballs until after you had left, otherwise you could see if they followed you around the room.

    Now THAT'S creepy.

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  18. that DOES look like boy george!!!

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  19. I thought clowns and certain dolls were the creepiest but that angel tops it. The disturbing creature probably cost the owner a small fortune too. I'll stick to my bric brak tree with handmade decorations by my kids. Actually you would probably have a field day with them.

    Thanks for the creeps.
    Cheers.

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  20. That last one looks just like the monster that used to live under my bed as a kid. Glad you found her and she's nowhere near me now. Whew.

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  21. kristina6:27 PM

    Well on humor-blog.com, it appears you are on a list of 30 blogs, and have the highest score with 84 points, whereas the next person has 49.

    I don't think you'll be needing any hacking services...

    Oh ya, and creepy ornaments, dude.

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  22. Wow - those ormaments gave me an idea... a line of ornements inspired by horror movies.

    Who WOULDN'T want Leatherface hanging from their tree?

    Rock on,

    Aitch

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  23. Great. Now I'm going to have nightmares about being attacked by a Christmas tree covered in clowns topped with that demon angel. Thanks.

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  24. Yul is awesome. He does look EXACTLY like Boy George.
    Oh and I always new Pooh was a bottom!

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  25. No wonder I didn't put up a tree this year. The ornaments called from the closet and I couldn't open the door. You crack me up.

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  26. I'm just trying to stop laughing, JV...


    (But that angel doesn't look so angelic to me either!)

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  27. Creepiest. Thing. Ever. Scared the crap right out of me and made my 3 yr old cry. Nice going.

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  28. What? No tiny old-school hockey mask on a ribbon?

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  29. We have a Winnie the Pooh board book that has a picture of Tigger "pouncing" Pooh like that. I think I got it from the dollar store. I always say there was a reason it was in the dollar store. Maybe they got their ornament there as well.

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  30. That was hilarious...I totally laughed out loud, people here in the office must think I have lost my mind!
    I must say, I have some weird ornaments, but none quite that creepy!
    Happy New Year!

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  31. miriam, are we invited over for dinner?

    cara, you're very welcome. Do you really want to hurt me?

    wm, I might need to see a picture of that.

    Don, I am pretty sure I saw something in my side mirror on the way home.

    Diesel, you come here to taunt me. Post my review damn your huey lewis soul to hell.

    VE - no ornament this year. bummer.

    Ann, It's like talking tina but without the talking.

    Kim - seriously I don't think I could handle a tree full of clown heads.

    Steph-ninny, that's why they taunt me. I know my review score, just not the text of the review.

    Scoop, did he have a slight stoop to his shoulders and two big bags of gifts slightly behind him? Because that would be awesome.

    Cruiser, are you sure you didn't used to have a little sister?

    Lorijo, that's what kids are for. To scare the crap out of and then laugh and laugh...

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  32. I posted HERE about the very disturbing floating head theme I saw at the store on the ornament aisles this year.

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  33. Those eyes were following me around the screen. They even chased me out of the room and down the hall, until I hosed them down throughly with a week's supply of Visine: Anti-Psycho sedative eyedrops.

    This site need to come with a warning label.

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  34. It does. The warning is "Don't Expect Too Much."

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  35. Those were funny, thank you! I just wished you added a link so that I could order them!

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  36. Another thing -- our baby Jesus was missing for weeks. I thought my 2 year old hid him, now I think the boy George ornament stole him.

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  37. Anonymous3:35 PM

    Started reading "catching up" on your posts a while ago and just finished. You, my friend, must. never. stop. blogging. It is too funny and many times I so get what you are saying. Keep it up!

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  38. haha, that boy george ornament fricken ROCKS! That's so crazy!!!

    I tagged you on my blog, btw ;) check it out :)

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  39. Lisa, I can't do those things...

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  40. You know, I bet you could make a million bucks selling crazy-ass ornaments.

    Or I could... hmm...

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  41. Do you know when the Christmas ornaments get even scarier? When you have a couple of kids hanging them on the stupid tree every year; their sparkling little eyes saying in whispering voices: ''We're really hanging your dreams and ambitions, mommy!''
    Oh, and happy new - ah, who am I kidding...

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  42. Those were some strange ornaments, dude. Kinda reminds me of the ones you just have no choice to hang up on the tree because the child of a close family member made it, and well, you know.

    Anyway, Happy New Year!!!!

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  43. Oh, great, I was at the end of a "just one more click" stage and almost ready to go to sleep, and then I see that.

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  44. I love to examine peoples trees too. It provides some hummm factor into your friends and families life.
    I loved this post, laughed till I almost peed.

    Happy New Year.

    Kate

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  45. I think it just winked at me.

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  46. That last one is kind of "Silence of the Lambs".
    Yeesh.

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  47. Why is it that "it's an antique" requires the recipient to accept something being ragged and somewhat crummy? "Here's an angel! It's an antique, and thus looks like I dragged it behind my car the whole way over here!"

    (Note: I'm not really an Antiques Person, in case that wasn't entirely clear. I'm just not that into shopping endlessly for something I need to worry about ruining, in the rare event that anything gets purchased. It's like the step aerobics of consumerism.)

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  48. Hey, I finally posted your review! Sorry about that; I'm not what they call 'detail oriented.'

    Congrats on the great review!

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  49. I found your blog on Humor-blogs and I am just loving it! The boy George ornament is an absolute riot.

    Mind if I link you?

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  50. Pooh ....a bottom.....

    LOLLLLOOLLLOOLLOOL>...I'll never look at Winnie the Same.

    Gk

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  51. They look like burn victims. Did your friends ever have a tree fire?

    I have some homemade crap on mine, which still hasn't been taken down by the way. I should follow your example.

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  52. Funny!! .. Thanks for the laugh

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