Let's get something straight. Zombies should shuffle. They should walk with their hands straight out from their bodies. They should be easy to avoid, and easy to riddle with bullets. They are allowed to be relentless, hungry, and almost impossible to kill, sure -- but they shouldn't be fast. That just freaks me right the hell out.
Other things zombies* should definitely not be allowed to do:
(1) Climb walls and trees and poles like coked-up chimpanzees.
(2) Be completely hairless and in better shape than Will Smith who is also completely hairless.
(3) Unhinge their jaw and roar like a lion right before they run at you full speed and rip your throat out.
(4) Be more than 1/4 vampire.
(5) Be smart.
As you can probably surmise, we saw I am Legend last night. If you think the zombies in 28 Days Later were fast, I am here to say that you are sadly mistaken. I will bet money that the zombies I saw last night would kick major ass in a zombie triathlon against those UK zombies, if in fact you could reliably get zombies to bike and swim. They obviously have the running part more than covered.
Maybe if we replaced biking and swimming with climbing and killing, we could actually get this thing off the ground in time for Beijing -- although I did do a quick google search on 'Chinese zombies' and from what I could see, they appear to be a zombie-free nation.
OK, I'm off to my next class with the rest of the zombies. Luckily, they are of the slow-moving, over-eating, techie-geek persuasion, and I think I can move faster than most of them. Wish me luck.
[note: From reading the comments, I realized that my generic use of the term "zombies" might be slightly at odds with the traditional voodoo-reanimated corpse that is controlled, puppet-like, by the sorcerer/priest who raised it from the dead. So be it. Whatever these things were supposed to be -- I like the term "zompires" -- they were scary-fast bastards.]
*Or any other "virally-mutated" creatures, like those over at humor-blogs.com.