Quiz time.

Yesterday, on the way home from work, I managed to do this:

Did I:

(A) Eat something yummy from a porta-potty?

(B) Do something to Smurfette that's
really gonna piss off Papa Smurf?

Finally get backstage at a Blue Man Group concert?

(D) None of the above.

If you guessed (D) then you are absolutely correct.

Actually, on the way home yesterday, I stopped at the vet to get some medicine for the cat, and they had a giant bowl of these sitting on the counter:

You see that one all the way over to the left? Yeah. That's the one. I thought it was grape, except that when I unwrapped it, it was bright blue. So then I thought it was blueberry. Turns out it wasn't blueberry either. I couldn't really place the flavor, but it wasn't great. I finished it because it was free, and didn't realize it was making my entire mouth look like a tidy bowl.

It turns out it's the one they call "Mystery Flavor." That explains all the question marks that I didn't notice until much later.

It's sort of a cross between Windex and Smarties.

I don't recommend it.


  1. I may never eat another Dum-dum again.

    Windex and smarties ... Ewwwww

  2. Anonymous8:00 PM

    And they look really small so that if they were good, ultimately you'd be unsatisfied anyway.

    I always loved the mystery white of airheads. Mmm stretchy sugary goodness.

    You're furry.

  3. JV, forgive me if you have already covered this somewhere on your blog. I want to read all of the archives, but have not because the black background with white writing makes weird things happen to my eyes, I start to feel like I am high or something.
    Anyways, do you have kids? I have kids so the eating of not so great things and the staining of various body parts are almost daily events in my home. My husband purposely buys junk like this for the kids, their favorite is the Bubbaliscious (sp?) Cotton Candy gum...it's about that color but will spread out onto the lips when you blow bubbles. It is not limited to just the tongue.
    And my 16 year old son thinks it's the funniest thing in the world to trick the younger kids into eating Warheads (the really sour stuff) or Listerine breathe strips.
    I was hoping for answer B though....that would have been a truely interesting story.
    Why is that show not on anymore??

  4. Anonymous9:44 PM

    I think this is my favorite post.

    Nicole- if you use Firefox you can select "no page style" to have a white background.

  5. I knew immediately it was lollipop. We used to buy lollipops that had no other purpose but to paint your tongue green or blue. No taste whatsoever.

  6. I learned this bit of useless info from my inflight TV on the way to Germany...

    When they are making the lollipops, they lay the candy out on the cutting machine in one long tube. The next flavor is put on the machine right after and touch the previous. Anything within a foot or so of the "connection" would be waste since the flavors can mix. Instead they sell them as mystery flavor.

    I wonder if your windex/smartie flavor also makes your teeth nice and shiny?

  7. Anonymous12:56 PM

    What? You grew a beard on the way home from work? Awesome!

  8. This is a huge hit at Casa Tiff, where the Things (my sons) fight ove the "blue tongue" pop.

    They are SO easily amused.

  9. sneaky, it grows on you.

    Alex, you're right. Not like the old charms pops. I always liked Lemonheads because they taste like pledge smells.

    Nicole, no kids. I used to trick my brothers into eating jalepenos.

    AG - favorite post of the day, right?

    Krissie, what? You doubt my ability to get with Smurfette? Damn, that's harsh.

    Leah, it would look better if it had been ironed, but no. Dress down day.

    Sgt, the more you know....

    Angie, I've had one since the late 80's.

    Tiff - As am I. As am I.

  10. Anonymous12:51 AM

    I wonder if it was cotton candy. That's only like, one step above "butter" flavor in dum-dum terms.

  11. Anonymous1:57 AM

    As usual, the real answer is /b/.

  12. Men and their tongues, you just never know.

  13. they should call the mystery one 'shitter mint'.. so did the squattersons ever move out??? this blog thing seems almost cultish, and like that chick from traffic im slowly becoming addicted to this whitty banter, i'm feeling not so alone now....... thank you!!!

  14. The squattersons did move out, and whoever took over the little shack did some repairs, painted it, put flowers out front, and generally made it look much better. I think they use it as a home base for hunting or something now.

  15. I hate those things...they are too small. Gotta go for a blowpop if you're gonna have a lolly, JV.

    (OK..I just read that and it sounds very suggestive. Promise that wasn't my intention!)

  16. Anonymous11:45 AM

    So, how do we know it's Papa Smurf who's going to be pissed? ;) Nice tongue.

  17. papa smurf would be pissed on the "what did you do to my daughter" level whereas I'm thinking it's probably Hefty Smurf who'd whup your ass for getting down with his girl... I mean, he had a tattoo so obviously he got all the chicks for being so tough.

  18. I know I'm a little late to this party, but I just found your blog and love it.

    I have a three year old, and she loves those things. The mystery flavor one can be any flavor - sometimes it's red, sometimes white, sometimes green, and sometimes, like you found out, blue. Actually, the blue ones are my daughter's favorite - I think they are cotton candy. I can't stand them because they are WAY too sweet for me, but hey, she's happy!

    And I'm really enjoying your blog!

  19. Anonymous9:39 PM

    Little-known fact: the Dum-Dums "mystery flavor" pops come from the stuff that's produced when they're in the process of transitioning the lollipop machinery from one flavor to the next.

    In other words, maybe they're done making the blue raspberry pops, and the next batch is going to be strawberry or something - they put in the strawberry stuff, but there's still a little bit of blue raspberry left in the works, so the lollipops that come out are this weird mixture between the two. Rather than discard it, they wrap ? tags around it and call it mystery flavor.

    They say they try to transition between complementary flavors, but evidently in your case they didn't...

  20. Anonymous6:29 PM

    bertie botts every flavor beans... in disguise

    yup yup

  21. Anonymous7:19 AM

    Ah yes - better living through chemistry.