I would like a camp on a lake, please.

Last weekend my friend and I spent all day Saturday replacing the ghetto stairs. We ended up having to construct the new stairs in the empty stairwell because we figured out that they wouldn't come up from the basement -- or in from outside -- if they were in one piece. It's a long, boring story that has to do with modular houses and the way they are bolted together in the center.

My legs and shoulders were sore for two days, all from squatting like a constipated troll on a narrow platform under the stairs and hammering in 60 or so wedges at impossibly weird angles. These angles, incidentally, resulted in me pounding the living shit out of my own hand approximately 97 times. Anyway, they're done:

Before:




After:



My wife and I returned from a week's vacation on Friday, and I have a lot of stories that I will, in the not too distant future, attempt to weave into amusing tales for your reading pleasure. We had a lot of fun exploring a couple of different lakes around upstate NY and Vermont, and had almost perfect weather all week.

I still have vacation head, so it's going to take me a while to get back into this blogging thing. In the meantime, I have two questions for you.

One, wouldn't it suck if you were this guy and you had a tiny wiener?




And two, why the hell didn't they sell these things when I was a kid in high school?



For full comedic effect, read the "Feature" list out loud using a fake chinese accent, paying close attention to the creative punctuation.

Remember, more than a handful in wasted.