11/5/05

The Battle of Midway

So here's a question. Can you guess what this is?



If you guessed the Japanese flag, you'd be wrong. Well, technically you'd be right, but it was on my TV about twenty minutes ago and it really had nothing at all to do with islands populated by lots of tiny Asians.

Let me give you a little bit more of a hint:



Nope, it's not a ball or a balloon or any other object you'd associate with a round red object in your hand. You cannot throw it, nor can you put it away in your closet with the baseball bats and rollerblades.

Give up?

That, my female friends, is your period, brought to you by Kamikaze Kotex.

And now, please allow me to introduce your spokeswoman for this journey: Faceless Hot Girl.



Here she is, proudly and sexily holding up her period for all the world to see.

I learned from observing this floating period that they can vary in size from baseball to basketball. You must carry it around for 5-7 days every single month, and it will, from here on in, hover roughly 3 inches above your hand at all times.

Because this is a new commercial, expect to be subjected to faceless hot girl roughly 3 times every hour.

I would like to commend them for actually using a red dot, which is much more realistic than the blue liquid we are most familiar with from the lounge-chair-shaped maxi-pad demos.

I also learned something else. The commercial informed me that there are many good things about being a woman, and one of them is "not having a hairy back." Call me crazy, but where I come from, that's pretty much a good thing no matter what sex you are. Otherwise, your shirt never actually touches your skin.

After about the third or fourth time I saw this commercial, I found myself strangely drawn to faceless hot girl.

I am intrigued by her low-cut jeans, perfect body and her total inability to nag -- what with the whole facelessness thing and all. I think she may well be the perfect female. If I were single, she would be totally dateable.

I would make one teeny, tiny improvement however:



Yeah. That's the ticket.

6 comments:

  1. That was a good laugh. Just a stranger browsing. From a female perspective...its not enough we have to have a period, we have to endure dumb ass commercials as well. And "Lifetime television for women" Eeek. You guys get beer ads, sports, car racing and hot chicks. We get Tori Spelling's fucked up nose job. Where's the justice in the world?

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  2. Justice?

    What's that mean?

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  3. Kamikaze Kotex.

    You just saved my life. If I had seen this commercial first without warning or defense it would have been ugly.

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  4. In all fairness to the Hags of the world, I sincerely hope they create a commercial for some menopause pill featuring a rather deflated ball that eventually falls out of the hand and smashes like a rotted fuckin pumpkin all over the floor.

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  5. if i could be that thin after eating doritos and sippin brew, i'd be a happy camper.

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  6. i constantly hold my period up for all the world to see. who doesn't.

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