Lawyers, Guns & Money

So I'm doing my taxes, and as usual I'm getting completely screwed over by NY state. Somehow, this happens every year, no matter how much money I have them take out. I'm wracking my brain, sure that something is wrong. I owe them close to a grand. I had to have missed a deduction or three.

TurboTax helpfully offers to give me some examples of other deductible expenses as well as a list of things I should not deduct. I think, "OK, TurboTax, hit me with something I haven't thought of. Earn my $39.95 + electronic filing fee."

So I click the little 'See Examples' link, and here's what I get:

Apparenty, claiming the payout of illegal kickbacks as an expense is a big no-no. That shit will get you audited my friend.

So I'm wondering -- do crime bosses do their own taxes? Is that the issue here? Why not put 'drug mule expenses' or 'meth lab set-up costs' on the Do Not Include list?

I'm pretty sure that anyone who is actually paying out illegal kickbacks is 1) Not doing their own taxes, and 2) not going to claim them as deductible expenses.

The thing that scares me is that somehow, this has become an actual issue worth noting in their examples list. It means that somewhere along the line, someone called up Intuit's help desk and asked about it.

"Yeah, tech support? I was wonderin' if I can claim this 50 large I hadda pay to get this big construction contract. As an expense, like."

"So you're asking me if you should claim the payout of an illegal kickback as an expense?"


"Well, Sir, I am not supposed to give tax advice to customers, but in my opinion, fuck no."

So has TurboTax lost their shit? Do I need to switch to TaxCut next year? They are good enough, they are smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like them. And I hear that they can put some pressure on the state if you cut them in on a little piece.

1 comment:

  1. that's very funny. I bet some tech. had lots of fun with that. Although he probably doesn't work there anymore