12/5/11

I probably won't buy these.

They confuse me. Do they give you the crabs? Or take them away?


And what's up with the company name? Utz? It sounds like the noise you make when someone hits you in the solar plexus with oh, I don't know, a giant crab, for instance. Come on, snack food machine filler guy, stop being a lazy piece. I know you put shit like this in the machine just so you don't have to fill it as often. Next thing you know, we'll have three different rows of Necco wafers up in there to keep those disgusting Chuckles company. Is there anything more vile in taste and consistency than the black Chuckle? No, there is not.

So let's dispense with The Crab Chip, ok? Bring back the Cheddar SunChips, or the extra crunchy Cheetos. You know, the real food. Crabs and Lobsters are nothing more than nasty looking, underwater bugs. All you people who say you love the taste of lobster and crab -- face it; you just love the taste of melted butter.

Speaking of bugs, did you guys see this thing? Holy shit. My wife would have a stroke if she saw one of these in the house. Also, I wouldn't recommend stomping on it to kill it. I have a feeling it might shoot up your pant leg like a giant mayonnaise packet or something. I mean, I'm not afraid of bugs as a general rule, but that thing eats carrots.*

Whole carrots.

Jesus.


*I did some additional reading and it turns out that some people cook these bugs and eat them. That's just disgusting. But I suppose if you could feed it a carrot, a potato and some celery right before you cook it, you could save some time on Weta stew.

Edit: OK, i bought them today. First they are...not horrible. They are extremely salty, and they remind me a little bit of the old Wise Barbecue chips we used to get when I was a kid. I ate most of the bag, but didn't finish them. Sorry to say, they're not my favorite. I think that honor has to go to:


They are awesome. Trust me.




25 comments:

  1. OMG!!!! Utz Crab Chips are OH SO GOOD!!!! I guess you don't eat a lot of seafood seasoned with Chesapeake Bay Seasoning. I love these chips, second only to Utz Salt and Vinegar.

    Cmon, man, get with the program! I almost never disagree with my blogger friends, but hey, these are too good to pass up.

    Peace <3
    Jay

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  2. Those sound like they'd go well with a nice cold glass of Nozzola.

    That weta is the creepiest thing ever. I think it could carry off a small child.

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  3. Johnny, you might want to season those chips with these:
    http://wordybitch.blogspot.com/2010/08/translation-is-tricky.html

    Yeah, yeah. I could have done a hyperlink but school is kicking my ass, I'm on martini #2, and I can't remember my html.

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  4. Anonymous11:37 PM

    Not only do Utz chips *rock* but those Crab Chips are the absolute best ever. E.V.E.R. Granted, it's the seasoning that makes them, so if you like Cajun/Old Bay/Chesapeake Bay seasoning you'll like these just fine. (Seriously, I don't usually go for chips and way prefer popcorn, that's how much I love Utz Crabs.)

    Also, the weta? Yeah, a gross bug but some people cook and eat them like crawdads or crayfish. I love my birthland for a lot of cool things but the weta is not one of them.

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  5. The consensus here is correct...the Utz Crab chip is truly delicious!

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  6. OK Jay, I'm gonna have to try them now. That's my big plan for tomorrow. Utz and coffee for breakfast. I'll let you know.

    KC, imagine if they swarmed like locusts.

    Ima, I will pay you cash money to get me a bag of those.

    Anon, I read that!! Sometimes a nice Weta gumbo hits the spot. And another vote for the crab chip. I'm going to have to eat them I see.

    Mainline, OK I'm clearly outvoted here and I think I may be missing out. I will purchase said chips sometime tomorrow and give 'em a shot. I'm gonna pass on the Weta stew though. Unless you know someone who can get me some.

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  7. Julie7:02 AM

    I'm expecting a full report on the Crab chips. They're big down here in Maryland. Old Bay seasoning rocks!

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  8. can you imagine hitting a Weta at 70 mph while flying down the highway on a motorcycle?

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  9. Anonymous8:29 AM

    Another lover of the Crab Chip. The only thing better than Old Bay seasoning on chips is Old Bay on fresh hot french fries. The way we do it in Maryland, by God.

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  10. Because you live way up in some disputed borderland that may as well be Canada you can perhaps be forgiven for your unfamiliarity with the revered name of Utz..they've been making chips since 1921 and are a Pennsylvania institution.
    http://www.utzsnacks.com/about_history.html

    Though I must confess, I like the Herr's Old Bay chips better. They are good in dip as long as the dip isn't too heavily seasoned or it is a full scale Salt-pocalypse.
    Herr's are also from Pennsylvania. ;)

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  11. Utz Chips - any flavor at all - ROCK. Seriously. Get some.

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  12. Think I'd rather just have a lobster roll. But, speaking of chips, there is a new place opening up in our town that has the teaser "Gourmet potato chip cookies - coming soon!" I do a dry heave every time I drive by and see that sign!

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  13. Utz are so good I don't mind saying the name out loud. Seriously, that good. Got to try the cheese balls (with real cheese!) Only down side to these is the bright orange dust they leave on your fingers and therefore your laptop keys. Maybe I could get a weta to lick my laptop clean. Never mind.

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  14. I have not cared for crickets/locust/grasshoppers/cicadas in the very least since one woke me up in the middle of the night "singing" under my pillow, when I was 10 years old. My psyche was severely damaged (and my father, summoned by my hysterical shrieks, could not even find the d*mn thing to kill it). Therefore, that Weta is something right out of my worst nightmare. I'm very glad I shan't be visiting its home turf in the foreseeable future (try EVER).

    Re: the Utz chips - I'm from NJ and grew up with Charles chips in the can. I've had Herr's back home. The only way I know of Utzes is because on "Mad Men" they were one of the agency's top accounts and I always saw them in Betty and Don's kitchen. I expect I would like the "Crab" flavor because I am definitely a fan of Old Bay. In my perfect life, in fact, I would be living in MD eating crab and other seafood all the time, instead of being stranded here in the Midwest...

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  15. Anonymous5:19 PM

    Hey Johnny,
    I gotta agreed with the Utz chip people - any flavor - the are the best chips ever.

    Second to none, not even Charles Chips.

    And the bomb with coffee! ;)

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  16. Anonymous6:42 PM

    I send these to relatives in Austin. And Austin is way more hip than Maryland. Soooo good.

    And I may have fallen in like with Jay M. for his street cred (Old Bay is awesome!)

    Love your blog,
    Michele

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  17. Up here in Maine, we have clam-flavored potato chips, or at least we did not too long ago. I haven't seen them in a while. They weren't terrible. It takes a hell of a lot for me to turn down a potato chip.

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  18. One time when I was in Japan I had octopus flavored chips. They weren't so bad I stopped eating them but I never got any more either. I would find it hard to believe these are any worse than those were.

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  19. Anonymous6:40 PM

    Some of you are missing the point here. The Crab Chip is not crab FLAVORED, like the clam flavored or the octopus flavored chip. The crab chip is a chip flavored with the stuff you put on crabs before you eat them, Old Bay Seasoning or Chesapeake Bay Seasoning or what have you. It's da bomb!

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  20. Anonymous3:10 PM

    Thanks for the update! Also, for the very funny orginal post--after raving on Utz and ranting on wetas I totally forgot to say "Utz!" shall become my new exclamation of pain/surprise...though it's far more likely to be due to sheer clumsiness than being hit in the solar plexus by a crab.

    btw, still totally jealous your snack machine guy stocks Utz Crab...we get lame pretzels, Cheetos, Lay's "Classic" and Hostess Donettes. We're in SE VA where Utz, Herrs and Wise abound, not the rural Midwest! (not being ugly, just spent the first half of my life there)

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  21. KMarie10:12 PM

    That super bug gave me the WILLIES!! Gross!

    As far as the chips, I've never heard of Utz. But living in Michigan, I'd expect not to.

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  22. The salt and pepper chips are *amazing*. Have you tried the popcorn of the same flavor? I've only ever seen it in the mini bags but it's awesome as well=)

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  23. Hah, I saw those crab chips at our local rinky-dink dollar store in Watertown. It's a bag full of sodium judging from the ingredients/nutrition facts. I think it's just old bay seasoning. They actually sound good but I have a salt sensitivity. Kettle Chips are my #1 though. Honey Mustard. & I don't even eat potato chips!

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  24. I love the crab chips!!! And we can never find them in Jersey!!! Cannot believe they are in yr snack machine!!!

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  25. Myself, I'm partial to Mrs Vickie's over Kettle brand chips.

    Looks like I'll have to try some Utz chips, though...

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