7/9/11

Fake Company.

Hey everyone, I know it's been slow around here lately -- I have a bunch of stuff to write about, but it doesn't get dark until after 9pm, so sue me. In the meantime, just to placate all you sonsabitches, I'm going to have a little contest.

As you know, once in a while I get offers that are along the lines of "Your blog readers would love our {x}! If you write a review of {x}, and post a couple of links, we'll give you a huge discount and let you pass these amazing savings on to your readers!" Number one, don't give me a so-called "discount" on crap nobody wants and try to pass it off like you just did me a huge favor or gave me a free iPad or something. I'm pretty sure they're not interested in your automatic squirrel feeder. Number two, I'm not your whore.

Well, that turns out to be not entirely true. Sometimes I am your whore, if you offer up something that tweaks my geek bone enough. Also, I'm not sure exactly where my geek bone is, but I think it just moved.

The other day I was contacted by insert company name here, and they said they'd give me four shirts of my choice to give away in a contest, and all I'd have to do is hit them with some links in the post. That sounded easy, however I am normally not a "funny tee-shirt" kind of guy, mostly because I don't think most tee-shirts that try to be funny actually are, and also because I would probably never wear them. Since I'm all about transference, I figure everyone who reads my blog is exactly like me and wouldn't wear tee-shirts with sayings on them either. (I'm giving you guys the benefit of the doubt here. Don't prove me wrong. If I find out you're wearing some "free mustache rides" crap out in public, we're done here.) These guys, however, have some cool retro stuff, which I would totally wear. I would also wear some of their shirts that sport fictitious company logos from my favorite geek movies. Hence the bone-tweaking.

So long story short, I'm going to give you a chance to win a four-pack of my personally picked favorites. Here are the shirts that are up for grabs -- your choice of sizes:




Added bonus if you can name the movies they're from without asking the interwebs. And yes, I own copies of all of these movies. Don't judge me.

I'm not going to make you jump through hoops because I know how you are. You are not hoop jumpers. It's all I can do to get you to leave a comment in the first place. So I'm going to make this easy.

In order to win these beauties, all you have to do is leave a comment on this post. That's it. I'll let it percolate for a bit, then in a few days, or whenever the entries seem to stop, I'll pick a random winner. Also, in your comment, let me know if you've bought my book or not. It won't have any bearing on whether you win or lose, but it will satisfy my curiosity.

Good luck! Also, free mustache rides.

P.S. - If you can spare a few bucks to help out a friend, please read this.

64 comments:

  1. Obviously I'm going to comment here. I love shirts. I have to wear them to go to the store.

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  2. Terminator (?), The Thing, _____, Office Space...

    My daughter has the book on her kindle, but won't let me get my hands on the kindle yet...

    but if i win, instead of the shirts, can i have my own damn kindle?

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  3. In Order:

    Terminator
    The Thing
    Army Of Darkness
    Office Space

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  4. So this is me not being a hoop-jumper. ;-) Read your book last week and at one part, actually had a baby carrot spewing from my pie hole onaccounta I was laughing uncontrollably. Hate it when that happens.

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  5. The Voelkel3:47 PM

    I'm going to go with what everybody else said about the shirt references, mostly because I can't send myself back in time to stop them, and they're out of range for my boomstick. Instead, I'll just go vent my frustrations on this old printer.

    And because I can follow directions, I own your book and stuff.

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  6. I only knew the first one, but I'm betting my husband would know them all, and he's the alpha geek in our family so if I win I'll take them in his size. And yes, I bought your book on Kindle! Have to confess that I haven't read it yet, though. I'm saving it for when I'm feeling nostalgic (which happens fairly often, so it won't be long now). As a longtime reader (formerly known as Badger) I've already determined that you and I pretty much had the exact same childhood. Good times! It's amazing we made it through with all of our major organs intact, eh?

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  7. aka-Phoenix Colter on Goodreads.com. Count me in too, though I would have missed "The Thing". Incidentally, I am not surprised that you and Kathy had the same childhood. After reading your book, I figured you probably used the girls' bathroom too. (I'm kidding, I'm kidding!)

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  8. No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service!

    daisyfae, not bad for a girl. Also: No.

    Mike, if you did that without looking, we need to have a beer.

    Lu, see that just proves my point - you shouldn't eat baby carrots.

    Voel, nice. realbook {tm} or Kindle?

    Badger, how the hell are you? I miss reading your stuff.

    Chris, I always thought Phoenix was a chick. I only used the girl's bathroom once -- in 9th grade. It was a new school, and I was stylin' in my brown and tan velour leisure suit (it faded from tan at the shoulders to dark brown at the bell-bottoms. Seriously) and my black platform shoes -- with the obligatory white afro comb in the back pocket. It was on the second floor and I walked in the door and stood there wondering where the urinals were -- and that's when the screaming started. I soon learned I was in the wrong bathroom.

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  9. I only know the last one is the "The Man" in the movie Office Space.

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  10. i am commenting because it is a contest...and i have no clue what any of the movies might be...and i don't deserve to win...and i have read your book.

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  11. If you wear the Initech one, does that mean you're a No Talent Ass Clown? I guess if I win, I'll take The Thing one for my husband - he made me watch it last winter (but I liked it, so that's OK).

    Yes, I bought your book, but I haven't read it because it was a gift. I'm going to buy two more copies, though, and read one of them. Soon.

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  12. Yeah, I bought your book. Two hours ago. I had to wait until I needed something else as I'm too cheap tp pay shipping.

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  13. Skynet! Awesomeness!

    I actually bought three copies of your book, because I needed to force a couple of my friends to read it after I finished snorting my way through it.

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  14. I don't have a geekbone, but my husband does. So... Terminator (Blah), ______??_________, Army of Darkness ("First you wanna kill me, Now you wanna kiss me? Blow.")and Office Space (Best use of gangster rap in a movie - ever)...

    Hubby and me are too old for ironic tees, but the Initech one is too sweet NOT to wear.

    Didn't buy your book (yet), but it's on my list.

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  15. I bought the ebook version for Kindle but please send me real t-shirts, not electronic ones.

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  16. Love all four of your shirt choices and would be most happy to wear them all (probably not at the same time).

    I have the kindle version of your book. It was the first thing I purchased when I got my new kindle as a Christmas present. Love the book and would have happily paid more for it it was a huge bargain.

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  17. I'm enough of a geek that I recognize all of those company names..but, sadly, I must be an old geek because I don't remember the movies they are from ('cept Office Space)

    Your book was my first Kindle purchase..even before I got my Kindle! I bought it and read it on my husband's phone. Laughed so hard I nearly pee'd myself..but don't get all cocky about it..remember my age comment above!

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  18. I am waiting for Amazon to deliver my copy. (sigh)

    Those are very clever shirts!

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  19. Sorry, no book buying these days. It's the economy, oh, never mind. I love the shirts though!

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  20. I came, I saw, I commented. Haven't bought the book, but I've only just returned to reading blogs after a long absence.

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  21. Anonymous1:45 AM

    Long time lurker. Bought your book via ipad/kindle last night. Plan on digging into it tomorrow night when the t-storms are supposed to roll in. We have DirectTV and if the effing sprinkler gets too close to the dish we lose service so I decided to plan ahead. Show me the t-shirts!

    Angela in WI

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  22. I only knew the last one and only because it's one of my favorite movies. I did buy your book...haven't read it yet because I'm horrible at taking the time to sit down and read, but we're driving to Florida in a couple of weeks so IT WILL be read soon. :)

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  23. Here I am! Commenting! :) I know the first one is Terminator and the third one is from Army of Darkness. I'm not sure of the other two! Have not yet purchased your book but definitely going to! Love your work!

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  24. Angela10:57 AM

    Terminator
    ????
    Army of Darkness
    Office Space

    AoD is one of my ex boyfriends favorites, we broke up because I refused to watch it again.

    I bought the Kindle version of your book the day after it was released and finished reading it the next day. Loved it!!!

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  25. Terminator
    _______
    Army of Darkness
    Office Space

    Have the book.

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  26. Well I got the Terminator and Office Space references, but never would have guessed the other two so I just lost my geek street cred.

    Read the book on Kindle for iPhone in 3 evenings. LOL'ed a bit, which made the cats look at me funny, but that's not news.

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  27. If I don't win, I'm marching my mouse straight over there and buying that Initech shirt! Also, I bought the Kindle version of your book. I laughed so hard that I got weird stares from strangers.

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  28. Witty T-shirts are only second to those amazing pants with stuff written on the ass.

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  29. I sadly only get Terminator and Office Space ones.

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  30. Eh... I shall give it a try, even though I can only identify one of the movies. At least it's the most manly one. (Note: I am not a man.)

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  31. Of course, I recognize Cyberdyne Systems from the Terminator movie series. The others, not so much.

    The reward doesn't appear to be t-shirts, since they don't have pockets. That means they're more accurately called "shop rags". But, I'd wear 'em. Sometimes. On days I simultaneously quit smoking and don't need writing instruments, for instance.

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  32. Yes, I bought your book and my entire family has read it. LOVED it. Big fan Johnny Virgil!

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  33. I own 3 out of 4 of these movies, the exception being The Thing.

    Also, I don't own your book. I may have to remedy that situation one of these days but I'm a little worried about the laughing-until-I-snort-beverages-out-my-nose factor; it's easier to wipe off a computer screen than a book.

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  34. I only know one of the movies. Which just happens to be the shirt I would wear.

    1. dunno
    2. dunno
    3. dunno
    4. Office Space

    And yes, have the book on Kindle. About halfway through. Would be farther along, but can't stop laughing long enough to finish the page.

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  35. I bought your book, but gave it to my mother-in-law for Christmas. Her sense of humor is similar to yours, so of course she totally loved your book.

    I should probably buy a copy for myself so I can read it too!

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  36. Terminator, The Thing, Bruce Campbell vs The Army of Darkness (Evil Dead 3), and Office Space. How'd I do?

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  37. Yup, I have purchased your book. But I admit it's sitting there, lined up on my Kindle unread. It's #1 on my reading list for August vaca. It is being saved for that moment my toes are in the water and a drink is in hand.

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  38. Anonymous12:29 PM

    Yes to shirts, yes to book. Actually paid on the site here through paypal about a month ago and haven't received it...an oversight, I'm sure.

    Matt
    St Paul
    td@minneapolish3.com

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  39. Army of Darkness is my favorite Sam Raimi movie. Oh course, I also love love love Office Space. Terminator is almost before my time, however The Thing is way outta of my space. I have not as of yet read your books, however I'm wrapped up in a series right now. It's on "the list." :-)

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  40. I think the real trick here is figuring out how to leave a comment.
    Keep up the good work. You happen to be the only Blogger I have told my wife about that she actually reads. So you have both of us

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  41. Jesus - I love the 80s t-shirts on that site!

    I thoroughly enjoyed your book and bought it almost as soon as it was available. I may have even sent you a tweet (while I was drinking of course) gushing about how much I liked it. And, you may have responded telling me to please write an amazon review on it. And I may have promptly forgot to do so until just this moment. Tanqueray Sterling memory I tell ya!

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  42. Alison2:03 PM

    Ooh, if I win these, I'm totally giving them to my husband, who also has a geek bone.

    I bought the kindle version of your book and really enjoyed it!

    Thanks Johnny!

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  43. The only reference I got was office space. But then I live in a cube.

    I've been a long time follower (lurker) and have to figure out how to work kindle on my phone before I buy your book. But I've recommended it to all my friends with kindles. :)

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  44. How many times a day can I cross my legs under my chair, and in doing so accidentally hit the "collapse chair instantly" lever, thereby crushing my feet and ankles and trapping me at my desk? Six, so far.

    Bought your book on Kindle. Read it twice but only paid once. Sucker!

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  45. As I recall, you were able to buy more beer with the proceeds from me buying your book. I read it in 2 days, and now my brother has it.

    Enough ass kissing, I want those shirts. Only if they come in 4x though.

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  46. t-shirt yes
    book no
    didn't know any of em but I like free stuff!

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  47. Yes, on Terminator and The Thing, but no to others. Too old maybe? The A/C guy thought my husband was my son the other week. Very uncomfortable for me since we are only one year apart in age. Love the shirts! No on book, broke now with new A/C unit in Phoenix.

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  48. Anonymous6:50 PM

    Random comment and I bought the Kindle edition the day it released.
    Have recommended to every friend since.
    -RobinM

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  49. Not interested in the contest include me out. And I didn't read all 48 previous comments....but isn't Antarctica at the BOTOM of the world?

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  50. I have thoroughly enjoyed buying and reading your book. knowing the money was well spent on a worthy cause makes it even better.

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  51. The only one I didn't get was the 2nd one, thank you to all who commented before me to let me know. I seriously want the Army of Darkness one and may have to go get my own if I don't win. Anything that references Bruce Campbell is full of win.

    I have not yet bought your book but I am planning on it. My day is officially made whenever you have a post so having your book would also be full of win.

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  52. It's funny that you wanted to know who all had purchased your book because I bought it on Amazon and then read this post immediately after.

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  53. Your Mexican Cousin12:26 PM

    Did I win? I did win a copy of your book from goodreads.

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  54. Carlo3:02 PM

    I would totally make the "O" face if I won!

    Have been enjoying the book tremendously, even (especially) the parts I've already read on the blog. "The artist formerly known as..." make me laugh until I cry.


    Word verification: "cloma" That sounds nasty.

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  55. Valgal3:41 PM

    I haven't bought your book yet, but since I have a baby and 4 foster kids, I don't have time to read anything. So it'll have to wait until I retire- which will be a while since I'm only 28...

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  56. I have not read your book, but I did link to it on my blog, so that has to count for something. Maybe like reading the intro or the forward. As for T-shirts, I don't wear them myself, but I have a a lot of geeky friends who would know where these are each from, and if it saves me on Christmas shopping, I win anyway.

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  57. mackerel11:41 PM

    I bought the book for the Nook. Have been meaning to get a couple copies for gifts, and will do that soon.

    I thought the first one was from Blade Runner, but clearly it's terminator. There was a period of several years during the 90s that I didn't see a movie (poverty and "better" things to do), so maybe that explains my ignorance. Also, I would wear a T-shirt that says:

    "I'm giving you guys the benefit of the doubt. Don't let me down."

    Except, I'd say "y'all" instead of "you guys."

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  58. Why didn't you pick any good colors?!! Gray and black....bleah! I like yellow! and red.

    And I bought your book. I like the Antarctica shirt, but I wouldn't wear black. or gray, if that's what it was.

    T.

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  59. Love the Cyberdyne Industries shirt.

    I have not bought your book yet.

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  60. Free shit! I did not buy your book.

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  61. You always make me laugh.

    Thanks.

    P.S. Free shirts are always good!

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  62. Frednelvis7:00 PM

    Terminator, The Thing, Army of Darkness, Office Space

    I also own all those movies. You have good taste.

    I did buy your book, and I bought it for Kindle for my sister. We both loved it.

    My word verification was spredic. That just sounds nasty.

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  63. You know what I'd do? Two chicks at one time.

    I want your book!

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  64. Anonymous5:30 PM

    OMG!!! You are so funny Johnny. Office Space is the funniest movie. Just watched it like 3 times in the past week.

    Love your Blog!

    Sadly I don't have your book yet. I am not enough of a geekt o figure out how to download e-books from other places (I ahve a Sony E-reader). Im so far from being technologically advanced. I will get the book. Have read snippets and it is as funny as expected. But don't worry, I put the drink down before I read.

    Word verif: Shesses - a foreign pronunciation???

    Holly

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