I guess someone's apology didn't go as well as expected.
There's a story here, and I want you to write it.
For a free copy of my book, leave me a funny haiku about the circumstances behind this picture.
I'll pick my favorite and declare them the winner. Deal? Deal.
(Yes, I'm stalling because I haven't finished my next post yet.)
(Yes, I'm stalling because I haven't finished my next post yet.)
Have fun!
Spurned, freezing bouquet
ReplyDeleteGathers no warmth from her touch
Just like his blue balls
Nice!
ReplyDeletehe should have known that
ReplyDeleteshe was allergic to them.
will you sign the book?
"Must be on the rag,"
ReplyDeleteHe thought, as petals flew like
Angry drops of blood.
We won the lotto!
ReplyDeleteLeaving you for your hot sis -
your penis is too small
Laurie S.
I drove over those
ReplyDeleteroses you flung at me af-
ter I stole your car.
The beach proposal
ReplyDeleteFails due to irritation
And sand in the crack
*Dodges flung roses*
ReplyDeleteDon't they know those things have spikes?
Some fans are insane.
Valentine head lice
ReplyDeletefound up top your curly crown
she had it last week
roses are red (ish)
ReplyDeleteI slept with your sister
how 'bout a threesome?
Tossed aside like an old sandwich,
ReplyDeleteThe roses lay freezing on the side of the road.
He lay freezing in the snow bank,
She preferred his car to the bouquet.
His apology,
ReplyDeletewhile filled with good intentions,
was not well received.
Roses aren't enough
after you admit you fucked
your secretary.
Roses on the street
ReplyDeleteBeauty damaged by "progress"
Seems right for the end.
I'll try to think of a funny one!
Out the window
ReplyDeleteShe ditched him and the roses
She'll sell the ring. Vacation!
You THOUGHT?? You THOUGHT?? You/
ReplyDeleteTHOUGHHT?! You THOUGHT? What,You THought?? You/
THOUGHT?? you effin THOUGHTT!!
It was only once with your sister
ReplyDeleteI only wanted to compare
Honey put the gun down put the g...
He cheated on me
ReplyDeleteThought flowers would set him free
Frozen rose says no
I already have your book on kindle, but I can always give away a copy!
ReplyDeleteLike filthy black snow
So is the dichotomy
of your nappy snatch.
Rich and red roses,
ReplyDeleteReminders of lips and rashes
Painfully now shared.
Roses will not quell
ReplyDeleteThe rage I still feel about
Lipstick on your pants
Vase was foreclosed on
ReplyDeleteHusband left for younger fern
Answer? Floracide.
These roses ar dead
ReplyDeleteMy testes are blue
The both got that way
Because of you
Chasing me in the snow,
ReplyDeleteshe'd had enough of my lies.
Don't "But, Baby" me!
Roses for Bambi,
ReplyDeleteDiamond edition! Congrats!
But alas; roadkill.
I just realized my poem makes no sense if you don't know that Disney's "Bambi" is being released on Diamond Edition DVD today...
ReplyDeletehttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Walt_Disney_Platinum_Editions#Diamond_Editions
tossed frozen roses
ReplyDeletealong with your cheating a$$
out of a speeding car
I LOVED those flowers
ReplyDeleteI didn't mean to lose them
That was some speed bump
Nice try Charlie but I can no longer be your publisist.
ReplyDeleteThe bride said I Do
ReplyDeleteThen she spotted her first love
She ran towards the past
you puked on my bed
ReplyDeleteyour mom said you'd outgrow that
just leave me alone
Done in one.
ReplyDeleteRoses are red
ReplyDeleteEven in the street dead
Wish it was you
Lying there instead
Bitch
Roses:
ReplyDeleteout of the window
out of pocket
Symbol of love
Abandoned
Now road kill
You slept with bride's maid?
Catch this bouquet with your face!
Thorns really hurt, ouch...
Insensitive ass
Your apology lacks truth
You can't buy my heart
(I was going to go with just the non-5/7/5 variations, but hey, there are so many story possibilities!)
I am on a drug
ReplyDelete- your roses are not special -
It's called Charlie Sheen.
they say it's the thought
ReplyDeletethat counts the most, but maybe
you should of bought earrings?
Bought a dozen for Mom
ReplyDeleteMy brother bought sixteen dozen
Fuck him. Damn show off
Floral suicide:
ReplyDeleteWhen normally blithe roses
Plummet to their death.
Hands full of Chocolates
ReplyDelete"Did you grab roses from roof?"
Shit! Well, too late now...
From the one you love
ReplyDeleteOn my only valentine?
Then what good is it?
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeletetossed frozen roses
ReplyDeletealong with your cheating a$$
out of speeding car
(So I can't count!)
Roses dropped in street
ReplyDeleteShe didn’t know, til too late
My dick in the vase!
One dozen roses
ReplyDeleteI guess that wasn't enough
To get a BJ
Too late for roses
ReplyDeleteTwo weeks past Valentines Day
I like daisies more.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteRoses on the road
ReplyDeleteValentine's Day really sucks.
So does that dumbass.
fellow had affair
ReplyDeletewith a big white polar bear
his wife threw them there
*I hear a rare, rhymed haiku is worth a copy of your book!
You guys are all sick and twisted.
ReplyDeleteRoses are red and
ReplyDeleteViolets are blue. "Sorry hun"
Dun cut it for you.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DARLENE!
ReplyDeleteMy name is NOT Darlene!
She kicks him out of the car and drives off in his car not before she runs over the roses and leaves him on the curb realizing it was his mistress's birthday not his wife! Now he realizes he is doubly screwed no wife and nothing for the little mistress!
Haiku..
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday May
My Name is not May Dude!
Woops WIFE not mistress!
Looking at the other posts, I am realizing that that is a road with a snow bank. My haiku will make a lot more sense if you see it as a sandy beach with some surf. Clearly I am tired of winter.
ReplyDeletelove received from you
ReplyDeletelike these flowers, cheap, cold, dead
i f*cked your brother
Mental note he thought,
ReplyDeletebefore regifting flowers,
remove card from Mom.
Was bringing flowers
ReplyDeleteTo prove it that I love you
Didn't see that truck
You bought me flowers?
After all you did to me?
Fuck you, you asshole!
It seemed romantic
Till I saw the note attach'd
"With condolences"
(Can you tell I'm a little bitter and twisted right now?!)
"I'm a dick," he said
ReplyDelete"But, I got you these flowers...
Does this mean no sex?"
note: at the ellipses you have to imagine the sound of roses being rapidly tossed out a moving car window, whoosh, a sound that doesn't use a haiku syllable. OK?
Or, how about this one?
ReplyDeleteYoung man on the street
"I'm going to see my girl"
Then SMACK... it's a bus!
flowers were offered
ReplyDeleteNext time, get out of the street
for fellatio!
Winter's too long here
ReplyDeleteTake me to where the roses
Bloom this time of year!
Red Roses on Ice
ReplyDeleteShe, Too, Hates Those Commercials
He Went to Jared's
These are all so hilarious!
ReplyDeleteThese are good, but some of you apparently don't know what a haiku is!
ReplyDelete