2/28/11

A little contest

I took this photo today.

I guess someone's apology didn't go as well as expected.

There's a story here, and I want you to write it.



For a free copy of my book, leave me a funny haiku about the circumstances behind this picture.

I'll pick my favorite and declare them the winner. Deal? Deal.

(Yes, I'm stalling because I haven't finished my next post yet.)

Have fun!

62 comments:

  1. Spurned, freezing bouquet
    Gathers no warmth from her touch
    Just like his blue balls

    ReplyDelete
  2. he should have known that
    she was allergic to them.
    will you sign the book?

    ReplyDelete
  3. "Must be on the rag,"
    He thought, as petals flew like
    Angry drops of blood.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anonymous9:28 PM

    We won the lotto!
    Leaving you for your hot sis -
    your penis is too small




    Laurie S.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I drove over those
    roses you flung at me af-
    ter I stole your car.

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  6. The beach proposal
    Fails due to irritation
    And sand in the crack

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  7. *Dodges flung roses*
    Don't they know those things have spikes?
    Some fans are insane.

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  8. Valentine head lice
    found up top your curly crown
    she had it last week

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  9. roses are red (ish)
    I slept with your sister
    how 'bout a threesome?

    ReplyDelete
  10. Tossed aside like an old sandwich,
    The roses lay freezing on the side of the road.
    He lay freezing in the snow bank,
    She preferred his car to the bouquet.

    ReplyDelete
  11. His apology,
    while filled with good intentions,
    was not well received.

    Roses aren't enough
    after you admit you fucked
    your secretary.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Roses on the street
    Beauty damaged by "progress"
    Seems right for the end.

    I'll try to think of a funny one!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Out the window
    She ditched him and the roses
    She'll sell the ring. Vacation!

    ReplyDelete
  14. You THOUGHT?? You THOUGHT?? You/
    THOUGHHT?! You THOUGHT? What,You THought?? You/
    THOUGHT?? you effin THOUGHTT!!

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  15. It was only once with your sister
    I only wanted to compare
    Honey put the gun down put the g...

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  16. He cheated on me
    Thought flowers would set him free
    Frozen rose says no

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  17. I already have your book on kindle, but I can always give away a copy!

    Like filthy black snow
    So is the dichotomy
    of your nappy snatch.

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  18. Rich and red roses,
    Reminders of lips and rashes
    Painfully now shared.

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  19. Roses will not quell
    The rage I still feel about
    Lipstick on your pants

    ReplyDelete
  20. Vase was foreclosed on
    Husband left for younger fern
    Answer? Floracide.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Anonymous12:30 PM

    These roses ar dead
    My testes are blue
    The both got that way
    Because of you

    ReplyDelete
  22. Chasing me in the snow,
    she'd had enough of my lies.
    Don't "But, Baby" me!

    ReplyDelete
  23. Roses for Bambi,
    Diamond edition! Congrats!
    But alas; roadkill.

    ReplyDelete
  24. I just realized my poem makes no sense if you don't know that Disney's "Bambi" is being released on Diamond Edition DVD today...

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Walt_Disney_Platinum_Editions#Diamond_Editions

    ReplyDelete
  25. tossed frozen roses
    along with your cheating a$$
    out of a speeding car

    ReplyDelete
  26. Agrehond1:11 PM

    I LOVED those flowers
    I didn't mean to lose them
    That was some speed bump

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  27. Nice try Charlie but I can no longer be your publisist.

    ReplyDelete
  28. The bride said I Do
    Then she spotted her first love
    She ran towards the past

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  29. you puked on my bed
    your mom said you'd outgrow that
    just leave me alone

    ReplyDelete
  30. Anonymous4:14 PM

    Done in one.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Roses are red
    Even in the street dead
    Wish it was you
    Lying there instead
    Bitch

    ReplyDelete
  32. kristina6:27 PM

    Roses:
    out of the window
    out of pocket

    Symbol of love
    Abandoned
    Now road kill

    You slept with bride's maid?
    Catch this bouquet with your face!
    Thorns really hurt, ouch...

    Insensitive ass
    Your apology lacks truth
    You can't buy my heart

    (I was going to go with just the non-5/7/5 variations, but hey, there are so many story possibilities!)

    ReplyDelete
  33. I am on a drug
    - your roses are not special -
    It's called Charlie Sheen.

    ReplyDelete
  34. they say it's the thought
    that counts the most, but maybe
    you should of bought earrings?

    ReplyDelete
  35. Bought a dozen for Mom
    My brother bought sixteen dozen
    Fuck him. Damn show off

    ReplyDelete
  36. Floral suicide:
    When normally blithe roses
    Plummet to their death.

    ReplyDelete
  37. p jane10:12 AM

    Hands full of Chocolates
    "Did you grab roses from roof?"
    Shit! Well, too late now...

    ReplyDelete
  38. From the one you love
    On my only valentine?
    Then what good is it?

    ReplyDelete
  39. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  40. tossed frozen roses
    along with your cheating a$$
    out of speeding car

    (So I can't count!)

    ReplyDelete
  41. Anonymous2:44 PM

    Roses dropped in street
    She didn’t know, til too late
    My dick in the vase!

    ReplyDelete
  42. Anonymous2:45 PM

    One dozen roses
    I guess that wasn't enough
    To get a BJ

    ReplyDelete
  43. Too late for roses
    Two weeks past Valentines Day
    I like daisies more.

    ReplyDelete
  44. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  45. ScarlettO5:11 PM

    Roses on the road
    Valentine's Day really sucks.
    So does that dumbass.

    ReplyDelete
  46. fellow had affair
    with a big white polar bear
    his wife threw them there

    *I hear a rare, rhymed haiku is worth a copy of your book!

    ReplyDelete
  47. You guys are all sick and twisted.

    ReplyDelete
  48. Roses are red and
    Violets are blue. "Sorry hun"
    Dun cut it for you.

    ReplyDelete
  49. HAPPY BIRTHDAY DARLENE!
    My name is NOT Darlene!
    She kicks him out of the car and drives off in his car not before she runs over the roses and leaves him on the curb realizing it was his mistress's birthday not his wife! Now he realizes he is doubly screwed no wife and nothing for the little mistress!

    ReplyDelete
  50. Haiku..

    Happy Birthday May
    My Name is not May Dude!
    Woops WIFE not mistress!

    ReplyDelete
  51. Looking at the other posts, I am realizing that that is a road with a snow bank. My haiku will make a lot more sense if you see it as a sandy beach with some surf. Clearly I am tired of winter.

    ReplyDelete
  52. love received from you
    like these flowers, cheap, cold, dead
    i f*cked your brother

    ReplyDelete
  53. Mental note he thought,
    before regifting flowers,
    remove card from Mom.

    ReplyDelete
  54. Was bringing flowers
    To prove it that I love you
    Didn't see that truck


    You bought me flowers?
    After all you did to me?
    Fuck you, you asshole!


    It seemed romantic
    Till I saw the note attach'd
    "With condolences"

    (Can you tell I'm a little bitter and twisted right now?!)

    ReplyDelete
  55. mackerel11:56 AM

    "I'm a dick," he said
    "But, I got you these flowers...
    Does this mean no sex?"

    note: at the ellipses you have to imagine the sound of roses being rapidly tossed out a moving car window, whoosh, a sound that doesn't use a haiku syllable. OK?

    ReplyDelete
  56. mackerel12:14 PM

    Or, how about this one?

    Young man on the street
    "I'm going to see my girl"
    Then SMACK... it's a bus!

    ReplyDelete
  57. Anonymous3:41 PM

    flowers were offered
    Next time, get out of the street
    for fellatio!

    ReplyDelete
  58. Winter's too long here
    Take me to where the roses
    Bloom this time of year!

    ReplyDelete
  59. Red Roses on Ice
    She, Too, Hates Those Commercials
    He Went to Jared's

    ReplyDelete
  60. These are all so hilarious!

    ReplyDelete
  61. Anonymous1:37 PM

    These are good, but some of you apparently don't know what a haiku is!

    ReplyDelete