8/12/10

Stupidity cuts like a knife.

If you remember my post from a bit ago about the bullshit with which the esteemed Cyrus Vance Jr. is trying to prop up his career, you know that I carry a small pocket knife, and I have for many, many years. It's a Spyderco, and it has a clip and a thumb hole so you can open it with one hand. Because you can open it with one hand, and because it locks open, a cop in a bad mood could, using this new ruling, confiscate it at best, and haul me away in cuffs at worst.

So I decided I would go to the Spyderco web site and see what else they had to offer. There was a button that said "Legal in NY" so I clicked it. Turns out, they were having a fantastic sale on a particular non-clip, non-locking knife and touted it as legal in the UK, even.

It was a really nice looking knife and *very* cheap. These knives usually start at around $50 and go up from there. So I was very happy to see this incredibly low price. So happy, in fact, that I immediately placed an order for two of them. You can never have too many, right?

They arrived yesterday, and I wanted to share some pictures with you. Here's a shot of the packaging. Very simple, yet elegant. You can see the brushed stainless steel body, the "spyder" logo and the thumb hole for one-handed opening:


Here's a picture of the knife with the blade opened:


It's razor sharp, and that's no exaggeration. I was able to shave the hair off my arm with it. The spring has a nice amount of resistance to it, so even though it doesn't lock, it turns out it's not a problem.

I would say that in almost all respects, it's a very well made and attractive knife, and exactly what I wanted. I do have one slight problem with it, however, and it's really my own fault.

The problem I have is this:


In my defense, nowhere on their website does it say that this particular model is manufactured for leprechauns.


Whoa. My hands are HUGE.

On the bright side, I've learned something from this experience. One, just because it's called a "thumb hole" doesn't mean it's an actual hole for your actual thumb, unless you are a tiny mythical being with proportionally tiny mythical thumbs. Two, determining relative scale and reading the fine-print can be important, and might save you money. And three, apparently size does matter.

My wife is such a liar.

39 comments:

  1. Heeee hee hee! Well, look at it this way, Johnny: it's like the anti-compensation knife. You see a guy with a huge honkin' knife (or truck, or dog, or whatever), you figure he's compensating for, er, shortcomings elsewhere. But a guy with the confidence to carry a wee little knife like that must be packing something a little more intimidating somewhere else. Right?

    ReplyDelete
  2. See, Virgil, this could be deceiving. There are two possibilities here. Either the knife is too small, or your hands are FREAKISH GIANT PAWS!!

    x
    Corianda
    http://corianda-corianda.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  3. Today I learned two knew things. One, never visit your blog if I have to pee or as they say"Gonna be trouble in river city"--Jeezus, you are hilarious.. and the other thing I learned is,I would love to see Crocodile Dundee:The Reunion show and that be his knife..lol

    ReplyDelete
  4. see I laughed so hard I misspeled new for knew. who knew I couldn't spell..lol

    ReplyDelete
  5. I have a small knife by Benchmade, and it's a great, solid little knife. They don't make the model that I have any more, but the most comparable one can be found here. It's pricey, but it's high quality and not made for leprechaun hands.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I think that knife would be perfect for in my car, so I went to TheSpydercoStore.com, and I think I found one like it, but I couldn't find any "legal in NY" button. When I tried to check out, New York wasn't on the list of states they ship to.

    Help?

    (Youcan respond to this comment, or click on my id and leave a comment on my blog.)

    Thanks for any guidance you can offer.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Oops. Went back and checked under "Shipping Guide", and found this: "Note: As a company policy, The Spyderco Store does not ship to New York State."

    I guess I'll order, and have it shipped to my daughter's home in NJ. I'll be moving near there in a month or two anyway. Thanks for field testing the blade for me....

    ReplyDelete
  8. Badger, you're entirely correct. What? I have a 20 ga pistol grip shotgun.

    Corianda, I AM ACTUALLY A GIANT.

    Lynne, that's not a knife. No, really, it's not.

    Silk they shipped to me no problem. You sure you're at the right place? I bought directly from the company.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I lost it at leprachauns. And it only got looser from there. Great finish.(TWSS)

    ReplyDelete
  10. KidSister9:26 AM

    Thanks to reading your blog, I have trained myself to laugh at work only on the inside and pretty good at it now too!

    ReplyDelete
  11. kristina11:09 AM

    JV, size does matter, but it's the girth that counts, not the length. So technically, your wife didn't lie, knowing how guys are focused on the length... ;)

    P.S. Word verification is pretty hilarious these days: wargun. Do they have an algorithm that reads the blog and previous comments or something?

    ReplyDelete
  12. That starts at $50?? Hmmm... maybe soaking it in a Viagara/Cialis solution will help (or was that sold separately?).
    ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  13. Ha, no - the normal sized ones start at 50. That tiny thing was something like 10 bucks.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Kristina, GIRTH? How do you measure that? Cut it off and count the rings??

    ReplyDelete
  15. How is that knife useful for anything other than being a canape party pick? That's hilarious.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Julie4:53 PM

    Ok, I went to the Spyderco website because that knife is too freaking cute... need one for my husband even if its just a gag gift... Found your knife. You couldn't tell by the name "Bug" that it was gonna be a little knife? TOO FUNNY... OR did you get the equally manly one called "Ladybug"? :0)

    ReplyDelete
  17. Julie, I didn't even look! They used to make a police special just like that (but bigger,obviously) and I thought the price was a mistake. I mistook the overall length measurement for the blade length. I'm an idiot, what can I say? The name meant nothing - the big one I have is called a delica.

    ReplyDelete
  18. kristina5:37 PM

    No need to cut it off and count the rings to measure girth - simply put your hand around it: if you have to hold it like a pencil or cigar, throw it back (or run!); if you can hold it like a banana or a hotdog in a bun, well then, you should know what to do...

    ReplyDelete
  19. *giggle*

    well now if the cops ever give you a hassle you can say you are keeping it for a Hobbit friend...

    ReplyDelete
  20. "Say hello to my little friend!"

    (http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=36101420)

    ReplyDelete
  21. If you want a really nice knife (albeit not a folding one) get one of these http://www.grohmannknives.com/pages/r3s.html

    I was issued one when I was in the Canadian Airforce, best knife I ever had, sadly I forgot to "lose" it when I got out...

    ReplyDelete
  22. KMarie11:03 AM

    What a cute little knife!

    As I was reading this, my 9 year old son came up behind me and said "What's that? A mini-knife?" Nuff said. lol

    ReplyDelete
  23. the elf looking over my shoulder wants that knife. XD

    ReplyDelete
  24. It's no wonder they're legal in NY - what are you going to do, shave someone to death?

    Still, cute. Maybe as a stocking - er, footie - stuffer.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Now I have a mental picture of you trying to saw away with that wee little knife in order to measure the girth of something. :)

    ReplyDelete
  26. I laughed. Good effect with the pictures. Now, I supposed what you bought is this knife. I'm surprised the name of the knife did not dip you off... and, for that matter, it does specify its size in there. This being said, it IS the cutest little knife around... could make a great gift leprechauns you may know.
    Note to ~~silk: The site's button is under the "application" menu of the site, and says "shippable to NY" towards the bottom of the roll-down menu.
    I did not check whether they ship to Canada... that would be another matter entirely. I had never heard of these knives before.
    I carry a more classic Wenger Swiss Army knife that has been with me for 20 or so years. I use it almost every day.

    ReplyDelete
  27. LOL. Love your blog! I would like to link it to mine if you are agreeable.
    Sorry your wife DID lie to you...Size DOES matter. LOL

    ReplyDelete
  28. Oh Jeez, roflmao.

    ReplyDelete
  29. I had gone to TheSpydercoStore.com, which I thought was THE Spyder store, but I guess not. I tried Doreus's link, Spyderco.com, found the NY button exactly where he/she said it would be, and ordered the Grasshopper with no problems.

    Thanks to everyone!

    Silk

    ReplyDelete
  30. @~~Silk. You're welcome. And it's he, if you were wondering.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Anonymous3:05 PM

    Looks like something for the reality shows featuring "little people"!

    ReplyDelete
  32. kristina1:05 AM

    OK, a knife AND a cicada... what more could you want!?! ;)

    ReplyDelete
  33. Anonymous10:21 PM

    Hey, JV!

    As a former Marine, let me tell you that the knife I used the most on active duty was this tiny swiss army type knife that my college roommate gave to me. It had a very small blade, with some scissors, a toothpick and tweezers. I used the blade to open MRE packets and the tweezers to pull ticks. MUCH more useful than my big ass K-Bar. Of course, I never got involved in trench warfare...

    ReplyDelete
  34. OK Johnny... you've done it again! I was having the singularly WORST day ever at work today (following a horrible day yesterday), and you made me laugh until I cried... THANK YOU!!!

    ReplyDelete
  35. My Barbie had a knife that size. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  36. It's a pity your Ken hasn't....

    But Barbie's mum said that with one like hers she can get as many knifes as she wants

    ReplyDelete
  37. been offline for a while---too dang busy. but I had to ring in, so to speak.

    no need to bobbittize the thing John. girth is easy to determine. wrap your hand(s) around it. If, as kristina said, you hold it like a pencil, it's too small, throw it back. If you need a whole hand (or more) consider your options and needs.

    and size only matters if you don't know what you're doing. with that little thing you can do a LOT if you are talented. with a huge gazunta thing, you can do a lot of damage but not a lot of good. ask your wife, she'll tell you...whether knife or other instrument, talent is what matters. She's still camping with you, I suspect you're plenty talented.

    ReplyDelete
  38. on=mg, that is just hilarious. thanks for the laugh.

    ReplyDelete