I'm off pizza for a while.

Has anyone else seen this very disturbing commercial for Tabasco sauce? If there are two things I hate, it's creepy pepperoni slices that look infected, and barbershop quartets. You know what's worse than either one of those things?

Creepy pepperoni slices that look infected singing barbershop music, that's what.

This commercial not only made me swear off pepperoni indefinitely, it also made me re-swear my original swear-off of all barbershop quartets, which, as it turns out, was a very good decision back when I made it the first time. I mean, really -- has barbershop music ever sold anything?

Doubtful. Ear plugs, maybe. Or straight razors.

The other thing that immediately jumped into my mind when I saw this commercial was that these four guys auditioned for this. Somewhere, some time, an ad agency or a video production company held open auditions and these guys were the best lip-synching pizza boils out there. There were probably 30 other guys who couldn't get this part. That just makes me sad. It also makes me glad I have my job.

Even at first glance you can tell they are clearly insane pizza boils, what with their bulging eyes and gigantic, soul-devouring grins -- and I am 99% sure that one down on the tip of the slice is actually doing something dirty underneath his cheese:

I can picture the director during the shoot:

"Number four! Look more savory! Number two, for the love of god, you're lip syncing like Ashley Simpson! Three! Good job, good job. Sell it! BELIEVE that you're singing pepperoni brought to the surface of the pizza by the Tabasco sauce. Own the role! Own it! Great job! Number one! Give us your O-face! YES! That's it! That's it!"

Here's the video, if you haven't seen it.

Sleep well. And just a word of advice -- stick to the mushrooms. Tabasco has no adverse effect on them as far as I can tell.


  1. I never would have thought of it, but you're right. Those guys are totally pizza boils.

  2. The first time I saw it was when SNL was going to commercial break. I seriously thought it was a skit and not a real commercial.

  3. This is only half as disturbing as the eTrade talking babies. Those SERIOUSLY creep me out.

  4. I think you're judging barbershop quartets too harshly myself. I mean, it's good, clean American fun, right? I do agree, however, that the pizza boils must go.

  5. okay...i don't have an aversion to barbershop quartets...however that commercial is just plain creepy...i may never eat pepperoni pizza again.

  6. 3am...not feeling well...and I watched *that*. Oy. Now I really wanna puke. That is just off-putting in the extreme. The way they POP out of the pepp; the way their eyes follow you around; and they're just a little TOO happy being pizza boils.


    Will I be able to sleep again tonight? Thanks JV. Really.

  7. i refuse to watch the commercial. i've had enough nightmares for one night...

  8. The Society for the Preservation and Encouragement of Barbershop Quartet Sining in America, SPEBSQSA,... What?... It's the Barbershop Harmony Society now? Oh. Okay. The BHS would like to have a word with you. :)

  9. I'm just wondering what kind of drugs those marketing execs were on when they thought this up.

    Whatever it was, I want nothing of it.

  10. Forget the ones that thought it up, what about the execs that greenlighted this ad campaign? What kind of twisted chemical cocktail are THEY taking?

  11. They are just plain ugly...

    I would have loved to listen in on the meeting where they thought this up..

  12. Those are the same faces I make when I'm eating pizza.

  13. Perfect thing to hand out at Halloween.

  14. Saw this for the first time this weekend. After saying "WTF?!" I QUICKLY changed the channel. Pepperoni pizza is one of my 4 main food groups; I cannot have some stupid ad campaign fucking that up for me.

  15. Dominique11:37 AM

    Hey- if they ever cast for a singing herpes sore commercial, I think we have our guys!

  16. Another reason I'm glad we don't have a TV. Also, that I don't eat pepperoni pizza.

  17. p jane12:23 PM

    Good grief I hate that commercial. The 4 year old loves it because "..the pepperonis look CRAZY!!!!!" and he's all about the crazy.

    Huh...maybe that's why I made calzones last night instead of pizza. Trap those crazy bastards instead and steam the crap out of them.

  18. Has anyone seen "A Nightmare on Elm Street 4"?

    In that movie, Freddy Krueger has a pizza. There are meatballs on the pizza...THAT ARE THE HEADS OF ALICE'S FRIENDS.

    Seriously. I can't even watch this commercial because of that movie.

    Here's a small image of it:


  19. This is almost as bad as the Quiznos subs commercial from a few years back...


  20. Alisha8:46 PM

    I initially thought this would be a post about swearing off pepperoni pizza because of the pizza guy who gave you his cold on your vacation....guess you just don't have luck with pizza....

  21. Hey, I happen to enjoy barbershop quartets!

    But the boils creep me out. Not gunna stop my pizza consumption... but still.

  22. Johnny, have to disagree with you on the Barbershop music, but this is most definitely an abuse of said art form.

    I believe this quartet is indeed known as "The Pepperoni Boils", and they were the runners up at last year's SPEBQSA convention. They would have won first place, but the judges felt they had kind of ripped of the costuming of "Blue Man Group", but just in a different color.

    Speaking of ripping off, someone totally scammed your funny stuff into the comments at YouTube. Way uncool.

  23. stacie, me too!

    buckndi, what about that one where the baby upchucks, then says "whoa."

    sami, no. Not at all. It's horrible.

    Jody, I had a nightmare where one of them surfaced and bit my lip and wouldn't let go.

    Bubby - Sometimes, an art form should not be preserved. This is one of those times.

    Ed, it only counts if you slather your face with sauce.

    Steve, what are you talking about?

  24. Anonymous5:22 PM

    I swear that top right one is Matthew McConaughey...he must need some extra income with baby #2 on the way.

  25. Good thing i don't watch much t.v. But the whole 'pizza boils' thing, just...ew! All the more reason to swear off t.v. and pizza. Well, not t.v., not really--I love the e-trade babies too much for that...especially the 'flex the golden pipes' one--makes me laugh evey time...

  26. Just looking at the picture makes me sick to my stomach.

  27. sweetb5:25 PM

    Hey, I just figured that if professionals are making money selling this kind of crap, maybe kids graduating college with a marketing degree have a chance of employment this year.

  28. I had to change the channel briefly when this commercial came on because it was so disturbing. Once I gathered my wits, I was able to go back to the channel. By that point, it was like a car wreck, I just couldn't look away.

  29. Anonymous1:55 PM

    please post something new...this picture is creeping me out...LOL

  30. You are right, that is one creepy commercial...I'm glad we don't have it here in England. It would make babies cry! ;)

  31. Re: Steve, What are you talking about?

    Dang, I get that reaction a lot...

    My first point was that we differ on the artistic value of barbershop harmony. But I'm sure that's not what you were asking about.

    Secondly, I was trying to be funny, implying that the quartet had stolen their make-up idea from Blue Man Group, who, famously, are entirely blue. At least the exposed parts of their skin. Only these guys did their make-up in a sickly pepperoni red, made all the more repulsive by the striking resemblance to oozing pustules, reminiscent of Chet in "Weird Science". Or the guy in Stephen King's "Thinner" who was gypsy-cursed with adult acne. But I have a feeling that's not what you were asking about either.

    So, lastly, when I followed your YouTube link, somewhere in the comments was a reference to "Eeewww...pepperoni boils." I'm thinking someone stole your funny, and of course without any attribution. But I suppose that's life in the blogosphere.

    Sorry for the ridiculously long explanation.

  32. Upstate Broad4:58 PM

    For the love of God (unless you're an atheist, in which case, for the love of Dog), PLEASE do a new post, if only so that photo doesn't come up every time I check your page. I'm begging you!

  33. Steve, yeah it was that last part.

    UB - soon. I just got home from a little vacation.

  34. Anonymous12:12 PM

    Everyone knows it's "puff, puff, pass" not "puff, puff, puff, puff". The writers for that ad obviously missed the memo. I'll never look at pepperoni the same. So glad I don't eat it!


  35. I am with you. Really how HIGH were the uber creepy ad execs that created the uber creepy commercial? AND...I love pepperoni pizza, DAMNIT! Now, all I see is those creepy guys singing. Ugh! It's just wrong, that's what it is.