7/14/09

CYC.

Ever since the big Swine Flu media blitz, these signs have been popping up all over work (click to make larger):


Yes, you are correct. They are badly drawn posters that tell you how to sneeze and cough like a civilized human being instead of like...oh, I don't know...a farm animal, perhaps.

The pictures (which I assume some ad agency was paid big bucks to create) are comically bad, and the subject matter ridiculous. I also tend to think that the sort of people they are aimed at are exactly the sort of people least likely to read them. That's because they are too busy cleaning their ears with a car key, or scratching their sweaty nuts while standing at the urinal and then borrowing your favorite pen during a meeting.

I've decided to create my own equally ridiculous version. If I replaced one of the posters at work with this one, I wonder how long it would take for anyone to notice?


I'm betting the answer would be "Never."

54 comments:

  1. Please, please, please create your own signs, that is just classic!

    ReplyDelete
  2. For anyone to notice in real life, you may need to enchance the graphic.

    ReplyDelete
  3. -stransc5:42 PM

    I peed my pants just now. I need a sign that tells me what to do next.

    -stransc

    ReplyDelete
  4. Holy Cow, that's frieking hilarious because we have the same lame signs at my place of work too.
    We also have the ones in the bathroom that actually tell you HOW to wash your hands and specify to first put soap on your hands then rub your hands together for at least 20 seconds. It goes on to clarify that you should then grab a paper towel first and shut off the water tap to avoid reinfecting your hands.
    It makes me wonder if there were people who were doing it wrong? Ummm, does the soap go on the sink and do I use the dry paper towel on my hands?
    Good Grief. It's funny, but awfully scary that they need to put up such signs.

    Mind if I borrow some of your doctored new signage? I doubt they'd notice at my place either.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Constant reminders of health issue are needed to maintain a high level of health care.
    Without constant reminders, these 'common' knowledge behaviors begin to slip. This is critically important if you live in a country with a lot of immigration.

    While you sign is humorous, it undermines the necessary reinforcement of good behavior.
    When I was a kid(in the '70s), we were all taught to cough and sneeze into our hands. Sneezing into the elbow is something that came about later.

    ReplyDelete
  6. OMG...that fuckin' funny. Why haven't I seen any of these lame signs around here? I think a different version of this should be posted in all 7-11's around here giving directions on cleaning the bathroom.

    ReplyDelete
  7. AHAHA! We have the same signs in our bathroom. I am totally switching them out!

    ReplyDelete
  8. JV you have made my day.

    It kills me to go into a restaurant bathroom and see those signs that tell employees to wash their hands. Uh, WHY should anyone have to tell you that?!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Stranc, I'm working on it.

    MTB, you mean like this one?

    Garrett, I get your point, however I doubt their effectiveness. I won't undermine what little positive affect they might have -- I don't have time to actually make them and put them up. I was just going for the funny.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Upstate Broad8:34 PM

    First, think back to the really bad, bad horror movies that were already old when we were young. And then appreciate the teen in CA that christened that elbow position the "Dracula sneeze." I laughed my ass off when I read that (unfortunately I still have more than enough left). I'd love to shake his hand.... or maybe not. Thought you might find it amusing as well.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I LOVE your signs. It slays me that everyone is now being told to cough into their elbow. I see nurses do that all the time around the elderly - who then grab their elbow area to steady themselves as they walk along.

    Doesn't quite make so much sense now, does it??

    ReplyDelete
  12. I honestly think (hope?) that these signs were designed to be used in places like elementary schools. that would at least explain the art and subject matter.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Holy crap, all I could think of when I first started reading is that you stole a sign from work and scanned it. Lmao! And that Garrett's post was some kind of joke (no offense Garrett but I am used to the smart asses that usually comment on this blog :-)

    ReplyDelete
  14. Thank you for that. You made my day.

    ReplyDelete
  15. That's so awesome. I would do that. We just got back from NZ, and since it was winter, they were having a lot of swine flu. However, it was refreshing that there was very little "nannying" of the population this way, over any subject.

    ReplyDelete
  16. very funny. but now i'm gonna have silence of the lambs nightmares.

    ReplyDelete
  17. I'm thinking that if people don't know how to wash their hands and cough by the time they're old enough to work then it's already too late anyway. Love your version of the poster. Hilarious stuff.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Bwah ha hah. I love it. You need to put that up at work.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Anonymous12:52 AM

    Do it do it do it!!

    ReplyDelete
  20. Great site man. I was wondering if we could possible exchange links. Let me know what you think about my humor blog.

    Jason

    ReplyDelete
  21. Do it. Please.

    That is perfect.

    ReplyDelete
  22. You totally slay me ... seriously - the highlight of my morning!

    Thanks!

    ReplyDelete
  23. You mean putting car keys in my ear is bad? Or just less stately?

    ReplyDelete
  24. I was going to ask you if you had seen the website with the translations for the emergency signs and include a link for said website, but now I can't find it. This comment is lame.

    Please exchange the signs in your office and report back here if anyone notices!

    ReplyDelete
  25. I really do clean my ears with my keys... I had no idea this was socially frowned upon, and since you've enlightened me, I will now be going into the pit to rub the lotion on my skin as punishment. Toss Garret down here with me so I can teach him about sarcasm...

    ReplyDelete
  26. Anonymous12:26 PM

    As soon as I finish writing this I'm going to sneak into one of our bathrooms here and post this thing.

    I was working with a kid this morning who shoves crayons up her ass on a regular basis. I've been doing plenty of hand washing.

    Dave

    ReplyDelete
  27. I work in health care, so it would be bad for me to share too much, but my coworkers and I are loving this.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Anonymous3:24 PM

    hi Johnny,
    This reminds me of your post from some time back, regarding the sign posted in your bathroom at work - telling people how to wash their hands (also as mentioned by MTBLaura above)...

    I just wanted you to know that, to this day, when I'm getting ready to leave a restroom I pretty much always have the "birthday song" with YOUR version of the lyrics, playing in my head.
    Thanks a lot.

    ;-)

    keep up the great posting,

    - mike from CA

    ReplyDelete
  29. Please put up your version, and then blog about the reaction!

    ReplyDelete
  30. Hilarious as always! Garret Moffitt needs a valium.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Ha ha. That's funny. Reminds me of the airplane safety card from Fight Club.

    ReplyDelete
  32. They replaced all our bathroom fixtures with self-flushing, wave to activate crap. Most of it broke. Spare parts must be back-ordered to China, as some have been broke for months.
    They also had to post signs "DO NOT FLUSH PAPER TOWELS DOWN THE TOILETS". about 50 percent of our workers probably have never seen a toilet, let alone know how to use one.
    And while washng your hand (not hands, one is always placed in your pants pocket), you also blow your nose into the sink, and then wander off with the snot still in the sink.

    ReplyDelete
  33. I love your version of the sign, tho yeah, no one would notice probably... I just saw these signs popping up at a local daycare where my best friend's son goes, so maybe it's aimed at their ages, tho I'm sure they don't read the fine print.

    ReplyDelete
  34. Frances11:09 AM

    Have you ever had occasion to observe the handwashing practices of others in a public washroom? There are those who don't bother, those for whom a cursory rinse is adequate, and those who do actually try to clean the skin. And, no, I don't hang around observing this; easy to do at a crowded venue with lineups to the loos. The real kicker is that, after observing all the rules, you then have to open the door (which ALWAYS opens inward) by touching the same surfaces as the unwashed, thus undoing all the good you've done.

    Sadly, handwashing is one of those basic hygiene methods which has fallen by the wayside. Even in hospitals, a lot of staff (including professionals) do not bother to wash hands between patients, and then wonder why infections spread. And let's not even think about British Columbia, where the Human Rights Commission has determined handwashing is not a necessary port of food handling.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Anonymous12:22 PM

    Speaking of bathroom ugliness, just yesterday I saw someone in the men's room who, after finishing their business (#1), grabbed a paper towel without a stop at the sink whatsoever and then left. (JEEZ, guy, did you get that much pee on your hands you need a TOWEL? And we DO have running water at the sinks, and soap too - quite the modern convenience, in case you missed it. Moron.)

    And about that DOOR HANDLE... *shudder* I hang onto my paper towel after the sink stop & use it to grab the handle on my way out. In addition to the creep above we have other serious slobs at my office.


    Regarding Johnny's version of the "Happy Birthday" song. You really need to see JV's post on the "how to wash your hands" poster, for the full perspective. Thanks to some careful Google searching, I just found again:
    http://15minutelunch.blogspot.com/2007/02/friendly-how-to-segment-from-johnny.html

    anyway here goes:

    Happy Birthday to you,
    I may have touched poo.
    I'm counting the minutes,
    'till I shake hands with you!

    (..and remember, sing it twice while you wash those hands!)

    Now, who's up for lunch!
    -mike from CA

    ReplyDelete
  36. HA HA HA HAHAHAHAHAH AHAAAAAAAA!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  37. JV, today I was at our other building (where you were last time you were here), and I was in the ladies room, and this woman came out of the stall and immediately left without washing her hands. Loudly and deliberately I yelled, "EW!" Then I warned every single woman in the bathroom to use a paper towel and also that someone they most likely worked with didn't wash their hands when they peed. They all thanked me profusely. One even yelled at me down the hallway, "THANKS AGAIN!" I thought you would be proud.

    ReplyDelete
  38. We have them in Toronto, too. They even branded the campaign, "Do the sleeve sneeze"...like we need a slogan to remember not to hack on one another.

    ReplyDelete
  39. They put sanitizer dispensers all over my building. Paranoid much??

    ReplyDelete
  40. How does one get a copy of this poster?? I want to tag everywhere I go with it. Kudos on the creepy Buffalo Bill reference!

    ReplyDelete
  41. Anonymous2:16 PM

    I love it!!!

    ReplyDelete
  42. That's great! I love it!

    ReplyDelete
  43. We have the same poster in our office lav...your assessment of it is HILARIOUS.

    ReplyDelete
  44. Okay, Mr. Wish-I'd-Been-the-Boy-In-the-Bubble...

    What would your suggestion be for the poor waif in "Slum Dog Millionaire"?

    http://www.daleisphere.com/wp-content/uploads/slumdogmillionaire2008youngjameltrappedinanouthouse.jpg

    Funny stuff, JV. That scene made me want to go shower just from watching it!

    ReplyDelete
  45. Steve, at a certain point you just have to say fuck it and try to (1) not shit on yourself and (2) keep your hands out of your mouth.

    ReplyDelete
  46. I love your new sign! I only wish you had included a graphic on how to open the door with your elbow, or if you use a paper towel to avoid getting germs on your freshly washed hands, how to make the perfect free throw into the trash can at the other end of the restroom.

    ReplyDelete
  47. Anonymous4:09 PM

    I LOVE your version! That's just funny...I don't care who ya are.
    -Kara

    ReplyDelete
  48. LOL at the homage to "Silence of the Lambs" . . . perfect!

    ReplyDelete
  49. I'd prefer this version for my office, thank you very much! :)

    ReplyDelete
  50. Here's an important health tip for people who are tempted to clean their ears with a car key:

    Always use a clean key.

    ReplyDelete
  51. Anonymous10:46 AM

    whew...laughed so hard I needed my inhaler

    ReplyDelete
  52. Anonymous5:59 PM

    lol, i just saw one of these exact posters in my lecture hall today!

    ReplyDelete