And the winner is....

Not Diesel. And not that guy in the picture, because he's wearing speedos with a little bow and probably has paper cuts on his junk.

First off, thanks for voting for my buddy Brennin, and if you get the chance to vote again, please do so. It'll be a kick to see him on TV. I don't know about you, but every time he snaps that old permed-up picture of Ellen and does that sideways head-bob thing, I laugh out loud. You may say I'm easily amused, and you'd be right of course, but that's ok.

As for the prize drawing, I thought better of drawing names from my underwear (although there's plenty of extra room in there) and instead just used....my hat. Yes, original, I know. But to be fair, it's the hat I don't wear out in public. It's the hat I only wear when nobody is home and I can run up and down the stairs pretending to be Indiana Jones. This hat:

Really, this is just to prove to you all the painstaking effort I put into this endeavor. I typed all your names into notepad because trying to paste html into excel was pissing me off. Then, THEN, I printed them out and cut them into strips.

And do you know why I went to all this effort and took all this time? You are correct. It's because I really should be working on my taxes and I will literally use any excuse to avoid doing that until I absolutely have to.

Here's the fruit of my labor:

Since my wife is working and not able to don her tiara and sparkling onesie in order to draw a name from the hat, I had to do it myself. Since Brennin said he's sending me some CDs, I am going to draw 6 names from the hat instead of just one, and the first five people will get a copy of Brennin's first CD. Drum roll please......

6th place: Anhara (please, please, please don't be in the far east)

5th place: Deanna

4th place: Christina

3rd place: Tricialynn

2nd place: Melodie

And the grand prize winner of the JV Box 'O Junk is: Tracey

Jeez, that list reads like the Tuesday night line-up at the Bada Bing club. Congrats everyone!

Drop me an e-mail (see my profile) with your mailing addresses and please allow 6-8 weeks for delivery. Not really, but that gives me some time to do my taxes. (I'll let you know after the IRS has their way with me if I'll need to collect postage. Just kidding. Probably.)

And if you curious about what wonderful assortment of junk is in the box, here it is:

A copy of Brennin's 2007 self-titled debut CD.

A FULL-SCREEN DVD of Ghost Rider starring Nicholas Cage. Yeah. My Dad doesn't know the difference. I mean, FULL sounds better than WIDE, doesn't it? Who doesn't want their screen FULL?

An opened and played once copy of the debut CD by Glasvegas, given to me by my buddy dUgE of Kasim Sulton and Isle of Q fame. They're supposed to be the Next Big Thing. They are not going to be the next big thing for me, because I don't like singers who sound like Bono.

The candy pooping Santa Claus from this post.

A new copy of Good Charlotte's "Greatest Remixes" CD. I am not a fan of rap, even when it's dressed up in punk pop clothing. A rap remix of a song is like saying "Here, let me pour some shit on that for you." It might not be that bad, but I didn't want to chance it, so it's still in the cellophane.

A graphic novel of the Family Guy episode "Peter the Great"

A sunglasses-wearing Coke can from 1991 that dances to music. Batteries not included. Well, they were included but they were dead, so I figured I would take them out to save on shipping.

An unopened tin of Ironport mints from a trade show that says "Mints made in USA or China." I supposed that means if you're a gambler, you will either get an enjoyable mint or your USDA recommended daily allowance of melamine.

A weird, suction-cupped stick-on digital clock from IBM/Lotus that gives me nightmares because I'm convinced it walks around at night. Just look at it. You know I'm right.

A $20 gift card from the store that shall not be named.

A home-made wooden prototype of a rubber band pistol. It never made it into production, although I did make a really nice cherry and maple "executive edition" for my father before he retired. Don't shoot your eye out, kid.

And last but not least, a BRAND NEW pair of Toasti-Toes foot warmers!

Thanks for playing along. You guys are the best.

As for me, I'm going to go make a fresh pot of coffee and get out of this tiara and onesie.