Barack, Barack Bo-back

I was kinda hoping he'd win, just because his name makes for an awesome version of The Banana song. Don't tell me you didn't think of it too, because I know you're lying. Now you'll be singing it to yourself all week. You're welcome.

I don't usually get political on this here blog. Mostly because I dislike pointless arguments. You're not going to change anyone's mind about politics, religion or abortion, and that's just the way it is, so why bother trying? Live and let live, until someone needs to die. That's my motto.

Another reason I don't talk about my politics is because I can't find a viable political party to belong to. Where does a fiscally conservative, gun-toting, pro-choice, pro-military, anti-socialist agnostic fit? Remember, I said viable. To me, current dems and republicans are just two sides of the same coin, and I'm not sure either of them stands for the same things they did back when JFK was around. I'd bet my paycheck he wouldn't even recognize his own party. Hell, he'd probably be considered a republican now.

And what the fuck happened to being a conservative democrat or a liberal republican? When did everything get so split down the middle and black and white? My theory: Democracy only works until the people with nothing outnumber the people with something, and then the candidate that promises the most free stuff gets elected.

I'm hoping Obama will be different. I'm not holding my breath, however. Other than his funkycool name, here's a few other good things about his victory:

(1) No more calls to my unlisted phone number for at least four years. I came home from work one day, and had 30 minutes of a live town hall clogging up my answering machine. I should be able to kick someone in the nuts for that.

(2) Certain liberal democrat celebrities will FINALLY stop whining about "stolen elections" and "Fascism."

(3) Finally! For fuck's sake, it's been 8 years. Shut up.

(4) No chance of McCain kicking off and leaving us with President Hockey Mom. Maybe if I had heard her speak at least once where she didn't mention her kids or hockey it would have been different. But when the shit hits the fan, I just couldn't picture her stepping up. Plus, that whole fruit fly thing made me seriously question her intelligence.

(5) The first black president. Although to be fair, it's not like we elected 50cent or JayZ. Obama is practically whiter than I am, but still. Pretty cool.

OK, I've donned my flame retardant suit. Have at me, if you must. You're not the boss of me.

ps -- Tim Robbins -- shut it, douchebag. If it had been done intentionally, why do it to you, of all people? Would "they" do it intentionally to someone who still (barely) has the public recognition and star-power clout to do something about it on the spot? No, they'd pick some nobody with no recourse. A vote is a vote, and contrary to what you might think, yours doesn't count any more than anyone else's. (Loved you in Shawshank!) [edit: ok, in the 2nd article I linked to (the first one went dead) he did say it appeared to be random.]

pps - Everyone who hasn't, go read Atlas Shrugged. Right now. And then just keep your eyes open for the next 4 years. Get out and vote (for me).


  1. Anonymous6:12 PM

    Oh, thanks for the laugh! I'm with ya' on the lines being drawn thing. I vote for candidates, not parties.

    I've read "Atlas Shrugged", too. I prefer your blog, however! :)

  2. no! no! no! no ayn rand. 'the fountainhead' made me so angry i couldn't finish it without several gin and tonics... i did like matt ruff using her disembodied head as a character in 'sewer, gas & electric', though.

  3. you need to join the Libertarian Party...politics and all politicians can suck my figurative dick, tho.religious guys can,too, and all newsmedia =o

  4. Anonymous7:14 PM

    Perfectly Stated!

  5. Anonymous7:18 PM

    Let's set up a pressure group- not just Republicans sick and tired of lazy Hollywood drug adicts telling everyone how to vote, but everyone who thinks actors should shut up be pretty and keep their opinions to themselves. We need about 50 miliion members (my membership number is 1) and we write to studios and advertisers threatening to boycott any film with an actor who publicly campaigns for any politician in any party. Sadly, we can't legally prevent these jackasses from voting, but we could make them too frightened for their paychecks to tell us about it.

  6. Got to tell you babe...I've read THOUSANDS of blogs in the last few months - and this is probably the best political one yet. Hard to be a "liberal republican" these days....I just keep my mouth shut.

  7. Anonymous8:33 PM

    OMG - THANK YOU!!! Finally, a blog on politics that shows common sense. See, this is why I love you - because you're sensible. Except for the strong military thing, I've got to second punxxi - I think you're a good fit for Libertarian.

    One of my students is reading AS (at my rec., of course). She is bright enough that she made a lot of connections between the book and the current political situation. YES! Another convert.

  8. Anonymous8:43 PM

    finally.....one of the blogs I read wasn't obsessed with the election to the point that every post within the last two months had connections to it....got soooo sick of it....and I'm getting a fan club together :0 ....got lots of people addicted to your stuff

  9. Anonymous8:44 PM

    This post verbalized so much of what's been swimming around in my head but has yet to come out of my mouth... I feel the same way about the political parties today, and about the system in general. I wonder how many of us are out there? We can start the Dempublican party! ;)

  10. Anonymous8:49 PM

    Amen, amen, amen!
    Let me know if you start a movement to kick out all politicians and shut up the media and politicians.

  11. Scott, where can I sign up?

    When I tell so-called liberals I lean towards conservative values (like being left the hell alone),they look at me like I just took a crap in the middle of the room. For being so liberally minded they sure are intolerant of other views. The nastiest people in this country are the ingorant elitist Hollywood types. It's gotten so bad I've had to resort to renting more foreign movies...and with that I realize the extent of the PC drivel Hollywood pumps out. Perhaps they will just STFU now that they have what they want...I don't think so though. I'm off to watch "Mongol."

    Forget Ayn Rand. Read Machiavelli.

  12. Great post. Maybe we need a new party. How bout the common sense party.

  13. Read your blog just for the laughs. Never write anything.

    All I have to say to this last post of your's is: Amen.

    Spent the whole election wondering how to convince the Electoral College to choose Joe the Plumber.

  14. I have very little sympathy for Tim Robbins--okay, he was inconvenienced, but, because of his position, he was able to talk to the head of the Board of Elections and get his problem solved. My mom is legally blind and has not been able to vote since 2000, because of the incompetence of our county clerk's office. Poll workers have refused to assist her in using the machine, but wouldn't allow my sister to help her either, and numerous applications for an absentee ballot have not produced any results. She doesn't have an actor's clout, so no one from the Board of Elections has come around to listen to her complaints and help her out. Sorry for rant! Apparently, I'm a little bitter.

    Oh, and I second what Scott A. said about actors and their political opinions. I would gladly join that pressure group.

  15. Perfectly said. I'd vote republican if they would leave out the religious stuff. I don't want anyone telling me what to believe! Check out the World's Smallest Political Quiz to see where you might fit: http://www.theadvocates.org/quizp/index.html

  16. I felt both parties failed USA. BushCo's approval rating is tanked at 20 percent, but the Dems and Rep's almost split the election in actual votes. 300 million people, and only 7 million difference. I didn't like either candidate, and that is the parties/primaries fault.

    And I've still had to read at least two "reports" claiming "mandate".....

    I give President Elect Obama, 2 years to steady the ship and change some courses. I was major disappointed to hear him ALREADY start campaigning for 2012 in his "I won" speach!

    The best thing about Obama winning? All the Hollyweird types got to return from Canada. Remember, all the one's that left the country in 2000 and 2004 when BushCo won.

    I voted and I approve this ad.....

  17. It is possible to be a conservative Democrat or a liberal Republican. They may not be the loudest voices in their parties, but they do exist. Have you also considered the other parties out there - despite appearances to the contrary, there are more than two.

    Re your good things about Obama's victory:

    1) Do like I did - ditch your landline. I got rid of it when I realized I'm never home to use it and I only get calls there from advertisers or other people I don't want to hear.

    2) Sure the liveral Dem celebrities will stop - but what about the conservative Republicans? Even in such landslides, there's always someone on the other side crying "foul".

    3) Amen to that, bro.

    4) "President Hockey Mom" was probably the biggest reason that McCain's ticket took such a nosedive. I knew it was a gimmick from the moment I heard he chose her, and it was confirmed for me when I saw the VP debate and the (very few) interviews she granted the public. Thank you, Tina Fey!

    5) Agreed on that, and too long in coming.

    Re Tim: the article doesn't seem to indicate that he was being singled out - he mentioned in the NYT article how people appeared to be RANDOMLY removed from the registered voters' records kept at the polls. And as the article related, many people with far less star power had exactly the same recourse he did - getting a judge's order to allow voting, and a judge ready and waiting to grant it as deemed appropriate.

    BTW: I actually served jury duty with Susan Sarandon a few years back...

    And now that you've mentioned "Atlas Shrugged", I'm going to have to move Ayn Rand higher on my list of books to read. Thanks.

  18. Anonymous7:54 AM

    I love that you still use an answering machine and not voicemail. So old school!

  19. Don, I probably would have voted for Bob Barr if I thought he had a chance in hell. The original article I linked to about Robbins had a different spin, but still, he's a windbag. If not in this instance, just in general. And verizon won't let me keep my dsl and ditch the voice, without raising my dsl price. And where I live doesn't have the greatest cell reception. As for the conservative republicans, they tend to be on AM radio and not entertainment tonight.

    Marianne, what didn't you like about the fountainhead? Granted, her style can be annoying...I just see so many parallels it proves to me that things never change. So it'll be interesting to see if Mr. Change can actually get anything done.

    punx, I think I might, just for fun.

    scott, exactly. Your job is to read words written by other people. Just shut up.

    lyndi, you're right.

    AG - I'm just cheap.

  20. Politics Shmolitics...your use of The Banana Song is utter brilliance!!

  21. Sounds like the Libertarian party would suit you well. Maybe one day they'll get enough members and votes for their candidates to be considered "viable."

  22. Anonymous11:51 PM

    I'd recommend the libertarians if you hadn't specified "viable." They've had more than thirty years to get their act together and have produced bupkis.

    Atlas Shrugged? I thought you liked your readers. The covers of that book are way to far apart. Ayn needed an editor even more than Ann Rice.

  23. Yeah, yeah -- I know you hated it. And I agree, she badly needed an editor. So they can skip the repetitive rants if they want.

  24. I ended up voting for Bob Barr, despite being a registered Republican. My conscience wouldn't let me do anything else. So what if he didn't have a chance? If more people had actually voted for the candidate they believed in instead of the one they though would win, third parties might start having a fighting chance.


  25. um, for the life of me, I just COULD NOT sing the banana song to OBAMA. Its so confusing. I dont get it. Can you write it out?

  26. Anonymous2:05 PM

    Instead of AS, try Uninteded Consequences by John Ross.

    Same kind of message without being quite so Orwellian, and it'll definitely appeal to your gun nut side.

    Loved the post, and am with you on every point - voted for Barr, but would have written in Ron Paul save his isolationist stance...

  27. Michelle, it will hurt your head and probably rupture your tongue. Here's what I get:

    This is the formula:

    (X), (X), bo-b(X−1)
    Banana-fana fo-f(X−1)

    If the name starts with a vowel or vowel sound, the "b" "f" or "m" is inserted in front of the name.

    So now you have:

    Obama, Obama, bo-bobama
    Banana-fana, fo-fobama

    It flows much better if you break the rule and just go with bo-bama, fo-fama and mo-mama. That's what I've been doing in my head for the last few days.

  28. Tim, I think half the draw of AS for me is that it was written when it was, by someone with a communist background and has so much in it that is still relevant, if you just swap the industrialism bent with technology.

  29. I'm a weird name snob. When I figured out that Barack Obama's initials are B.O. and his mom's (Stanley Ann Dunham) spell out S.A.D, I knew that I couldn't possibly give my vote to him.
    You thought this country stunk before? Well now we'll have 4 years of constant overpowering in-your-face BO!!!

    sent from: fav.or.it

  30. Oh, and Barack fits into the name game better than Obama.
    Barack, Barack, Bo-Bock

    Banana-Fanna, Fo-Fock



    sent from: fav.or.it

  31. Anonymous4:08 PM

    Don't get me wrong - I like AS as well, but find UC an easier read when I want to recommend something to someone that will drive home a lot of the same points. Being a fellow gun nut, the subject matter also hits closer to home.

    Also, after reading this, how can you not be intrigued?


  32. Tim, I will definitely check it out.

    Fav, good point. It is supposed to be the first name after all...so:

    Barack, Barack Bo-back
    Banana-fana Fo-Fack
    Fee-Fi Mo Mack

    Now I can sleep at night.

  33. Anonymous2:54 AM

    "And what the fuck happened to being a conservative democrat or a liberal republican? When did everything get so split down the middle and black and white? My theory: Democracy only works until the people with nothing outnumber the people with something, and then the candidate that promises the most free stuff gets elected."

    You are my new hero. We are middle of the road Pagans with our eyes in the headlights hoping our 401k's don't tank.

  34. I came home from work one day, and had 30 minutes of a live town hall clogging up my answering machine. I should be able to kick someone in the nuts for that.


    Now I'm going to go google "sarah palin" and "fruit flies," for I missed that one.

    (Word verification: "resselu" Sounds like a low-rent engineering school or a bad TV production firm.)

  35. Anonymous12:09 PM

    Nice post, but a little bit of a contradiction at the end. If I have to read Atlas Shrugged again, it will take 4 years and I will be asleep for most of it. That book should be used as a cure for insomnia. Wasn't it just a longwinded way of saying some people matter and others don't?

  36. anon, I guess it depends upon how fast you read. It's not that some people matter and some don't, it's that some produce and some don't. The story is about what happens when the people who don't produce begin to make unreasonable demands in the name of "fairness" on the ones that do.

  37. Anonymous12:46 PM

    I voted for Jay-Z, the viable candidate.

  38. Johnny - another good post! No need for a flame-retardant suit. And yes, you should be able to kick someone in the nuts (my favorite quote in this post). For as different as you and I are (minus the whole separated at birth thing) I think we're strangely alike. And I've thought of Atlas Shrugged many-a-time recently (still only on page 600 but I plan to finish).
    PS: I voted for Julius Caesar last Tuesday.
    PPS: I like what Scott A said about actors & politics. Prime example - Matt Damon should really just stick to looking pretty.

  39. Anonymous1:52 PM

    Between Barry Barry Obama and the implications on a name like Seph-a-ninnie, I'm done for the day. Maybe it'll stop if I put a penny on the needle.
    Atlas is a great read, though a tad scary ala Peggy Joseph. Be sure to post the coordinates for Gault's Gulch. I'll check in if I find it.

  40. Mr V , Thanks very much for the laughs , you're brilliant . I've been reading my way through your old posts and you never miss ! Sylvia and your take on her advice is killer , also your comments on the random searchs make my eyes water . I'll never get my lawn raked till I've read it all .Thanks again.

  41. Anonymous7:55 PM

    I have to disagree with the Ayn Rand recommend ... she used to hang out with Alan Greenspan. Also, I'm not a fan of the writing style, but that's personal taste - if you like it and it makes you happy ... Nuff sed there.

    However ... As a centrist-socialist, pro-choice, religious, third-wave feminist, feminine traditionalist and seeming party of one ... thank you. You concisely articulated a lot of how I feel, even if not quite from the same perspective. No matter. Anyone else who admits to having the name game going through their head the day after the election like I did is welcome at my table.

  42. That's ok, you're allowed to disagree with me. I'm with you on the writing style. Sometimes a tough slog, but she's sold a lot more copies of her books than I have of mine, so that's what my criticism is worth, I guess.

    As far as Alan Greenspan's association with her, I'm not one of those who thinks Greenspan is the devil, so his association with Ayn Rand (and vice versa) doesn't negate the ideas of one or the other for me. I'm a firm believer in being able to draw your own conclusions from any ideas and philosophies you are exposed to, without buying into them whole-hog. I assume Greenspan was capable of doing just that. I don't necessarily buy into Ayn Rand's entire Objectivism philosophy, however I think she made a lot of really good points and astute observations about what's wrong with this country that are as valid today as they were 50 years ago. This is interesting.

  43. This comment has been removed by the author.

  44. so friggin stoked that others have read atlas shrugged, and ayn rand...how about Orwell, 1984, people?!

    And so many of us seem to share your opinion, why the HELL is there not a group of us picking our own damn presidential candidate...oh WAIT, pretty sure none of us are millionaires with our fingers in everybody's pie...

    oh well, i bought my gun already, so bring it on BO

    (ha! his initials are the same as Body Odor! LMAO)

  45. "Where does a fiscally conservative, gun-toting, pro-choice, pro-military, anti-socialist agnostic fit? "
    I love this description! Beats the "liberal conservative / conservative liberal" label I've been using for myself. I'm considering changing my facebook "political views" entry to your quote - credited to you, of course.

  46. Libertarian Party FTW!!! look ii up!