9/27/08

I may never eat another potato.

You know that plastic drawer in the bottom of your fridge? The one General Electric calls "The Crisper" and the one my wife and I call "The Rotter?" Yeah, that one. My advice to you is to never, ever go in there for any reason whatsoever.

I wanted a baked potato to go with my dinner the other day, and so I yelled upstairs to my wife (who knows the location of All Things in the house), "Hey, do we have any potatoes?" She yelled down, "I think there's a few in the rotter."

So I looked, and she was sort of right. There was one potato left. After seeing it, however, I firmly believe that we originally had more. My theory is that some time in the past week or so, each one had expertly planned and executed its escape. I base this theory on the fact that this last one appeared very close to making a run for it:



I think they were using the paper towels to disguise themselves.

And no, I didn't eat it. I stabbed it a few times, though, just to be on the safe side.

32 comments:

  1. Either the other potatoes escaped, or the one you stabbed ate the other ones when they stepped out of line.

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  2. Bwahahaha!! Really funny thing is...if you had just set it free in the back yard it would have multiplied and then you could have had baked potatoes every night of the week...

    But thanks for sharing! I needed that laugh!

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  3. David2:21 PM

    I think your potatoes were rebelling because you insulted them by wrapping them individually in paper towels. That is just so wrong on so many levels.

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  4. David I'm pretty sure they wrapped themselves. It's cold in the rotter.

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  5. am I the only one who's going to make the dumb comment that you're not supposed to store them in the fridge... that's why they're not in the fridge in the store...like onions and tomatoes

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  6. yes, you are the only one.

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  7. stabbing is always a good thing...i swear i think they multiply and move on when you forget about them...evil little things those potatoes!

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  8. There must be other horrors down there if your spuds keep escaping.

    I've taken to gently poking anything in the crisper before attempting to remove it. Because when you grab a zucchini and your fingers sink into the stinky flesh...well, let's just say that it makes a lasting impression.

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  9. Carly is not the only one. You are not supposed to keep potatoes in the refrigerator. Don't ask me why, just don't do it.

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  10. Kenju, you're just giving them a head start.

    Bex, I think the liquid lettuce is the worst.

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  11. I thought my refrigerator was the only one that was a cold compost heap. Guess not. I feel better now.

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  12. Seriously, it was trying to multiply, and take over. Always be wary of the chilled vegetables. You never know when they're going to make their move.

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  13. One time we had this funky smell in the house that we couldn't figure out - it lingered for weeks, getting stronger and stronger. I finally sent BikeBoy (DH) into the crawl space to see if something had died under the house. He gets all dolled up with his helmet and head lamp from his caving days, and reports back that other than spiders and centipedes and shreds of insulation, there's nothing remarkable under the house. A few more weeks of scratching our heads and holding our noses, we discover the culprit. I 5 pound bag of formerly red potatoes, long past the sending-out-feelers stage and actually liquefying in a dark corner of the pantry. it was like something out of CSI - if the puddle of rot hadn't been partially contained by a meshy potato bag, i would have called Gil Grissom to identify the body.

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  14. Russet Potatoes----store in a brown paper bag in a dark area..drawer or pantry.

    Red potaoes---store in fridge.

    Just thought I'd share.

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  15. I love the picture, you are too funny! Best, Becs

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  16. Anonymous7:06 PM

    I'm stilled stunned over the fact that you were going to make your own baked potato.
    *Rusty*

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  17. i always use the crisper drawers for beer...

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  18. You sure your potato wasn't nipping on your Enzyte?? He's got a big one.....
    And the towel, maybe it is/was a gehy tat?

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  19. Oh, my friend, you have made a grave, grave mistake. You've killed *one* of the creatures but the rest will follow the scent put off by its decomposing carcass, and, drawn to your home, will find you and finish you off. They'll probably even need to punch some holes in your new roof in order to get at you. That particular alien race is not known for their mercy.

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  20. Christina11:09 AM

    NOTHING is worse than rotten potato smell. At least you got to it before that point.

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  21. Are you telling me potatoes aren't supposed to look like that??

    They always end up looking like that at our house. . .

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  22. kristina12:59 PM

    That potato looked like it had just grown a few eyes to keep watch over you - as long as it wasn't soft, there was no reason not to eat it!

    But I'm with marianne: beer and cider get stored in the crisper!

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  23. I have two drawers -- one for the food and one for the beer.

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  24. OMG you are my mother! I used to think George Carlin's rant about the empty plate in the fridge (something ate something else!) was about her. The penicillin queen of the western world used to wrap the Thanksgiving turkey carcass in foil and put it in the freezer, trying to maintain the fiction that she was going to make soup later. Never had turkey soup in all the time I lived with her. She got outed the year we couldn't find a spot in the freezer to put this year's carcass, and in rearranging the space, we found LAST year's carcass in the back, wearing shredded foil with stalagtites hanging from it's ribs. Your potato obviously escaped from her evil clutches!

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  25. Johnny, I have to say that I have found the worst potato disaster..

    Helping a friend move one year, we were cleaning out the cabinets, and found a 5 pound bag of black water.. The potatoes had rotted to liquid, and they STUNK.

    There's NOTHING worse than that smell.. I've dealt with skunks, Rotting vegetation, even some human decomp, and this topped ALL OF THEM.

    As a side note.. If you buy a bag of potatoes, DON'T let them sit for two years.. THEY WILL GO BAD.

    Back to your regularly scheduled programming..

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  26. Looks like there's been some sweet sweet potato lovin' going on in your crisper bin buddy. Potatoes have no place in the fridge by the way--all the moisture and darkness only accelerate the process pictured in your post. Here endeth Rickey's science lesson...

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  27. LOL! Do you think his friend escaped and is somewhere in your house right now plotting revenge?

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  28. Didn't one of 'em star in Chips?

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  29. They're much, much worse when you leave them in the cabinet and forget you ever put them there. Don't worry, they'll remind you that they're there with their pleasing aroma.

    *gags at the memory*

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  30. Seriously, does *anything* smell worse than rotten, liquefying potatoes? How can something that tastes so bland rot so potently? One of life's great mysteries, I guess. If only you could bottle the aroma, the havoc you could cause.

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  31. Another week and it would have walked out of the fridge. Your timing may have saved the lives of many.

    P.L. Frederick (Small & Big)

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  32. Anonymous2:55 AM

    There is something much, much worse than rotten potatoes: rotten broccoli. Makes you want to rip your nose off.

    JV, love your blog, man. Dawne

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