Search and Rescue 2008.

I'm going to do something I haven't done in a while -- namely, let Site-meter searches that landed on 15minutelunch dictate my blog entry. Lately, my Site Meter has been letting me down. It seems most of my hits have come from e-mail "unknowns" or actual searches for "15 minute lunch" so there hasn't been much blog fodder from that source. That's not to say the weird folk haven't been out -- just that it's been harder to catch them doing what they do. I still managed to catch a few, which I now present for your enjoyment:

Fantastic Google Searches That Somehow Led People To My Site

castration parties -- I'm going to have to plead ignorance on this one, although I'm thinking that if you're a guy, you've probably never been to one of these before. I base this uneducated guess on the fact that there would be very little reason to attend a second one if the first one was a rousing success. If, however, you are a woman -- I suggest you simply pay extra attention to your calendar and make sure you don't get your parties confused and end up doing something you'll regret at that March of Dimes fund-raiser.

bagpiping porn hairy armpit -- I have no expertise in this particular pornographic sub-classification. You have encapsulated something wonderful in between two things that are horrible, and sent it off into a search engine. I have no advice, save this -- location, location, location. From your stats I can see that you are currently in the U.S. I suggest you look into moving to Scotland, where the odds of encountering naked, hairy arm-pitted women who play bagpipes are probably much greater.

Canadian zoophilia -- I'm not sure if you're just tired of American farm animals and looking for something different, or if you're researching whether or not Canadian farm animals are less apt to kick you in the nads, but again, it's all about location. You'd really have a better shot at finding what you're looking for if you moved to Canada because I've heard they've really tightened up the borders and aren't letting as many sexually active Canadian animals across the border as they used to.

man whore job in NY -- Way to aim high, my friend. Way to aim high.

how to make little hot tubs for frogs -- At first I thought that was a little weird, since I wasn't aware that frogs even desired hot tubs. But then I decided that everybody likes hot tubs (except for maybe lobsters) so I think maybe wanting to know how to make little hot tubs for frogs is normal and fine. However, If you are also giving them seaweed wraps, cucumber facials and full-body massages with happy endings, I think you may have crossed the line into problem territory.

swallowed whole pooped alive -- I think I can help. This is the lesser-known sequel to the popular children's book Everyone Poops. Swallowed Whole, Pooped Alive is a classic children's tale with just the right mixture of danger and intrigue, and a convincing subplot that delicately handles a young boy's coming of age in the 21st century. Also, it's about how he was swallowed whole and pooped alive. So, happy ending. Sort of.

nobody's cooler than you virgil -- well, shit. Welcome home, my friend. Welcome home.

looking for my god clothes -- This is proof of two things. One, God is a guy. Two, he clearly does not do his own laundry.

things to do with a strap on -- Well, I must assume here that you are intimately familiar with all of the normal things to do with a strap-on, and are simply looking for some alternatives. Given that assumption, here are a few new ideas for you:

(1) Wear it to the supermarket and use it to knock the items on your list into your shopping cart.
(2) Use it to see how many onion rings you can carry back to your desk from the cafeteria at work.
(3) Wear it to bed and prop up your book with it. (Or if it's one of those big black ones, clamp the book light to it for better illumination of the pages.)

what to use around your house as a buttplug -- I don't know how or when I became the internet's de facto go-to guy for butt-plug advice, since I'd actually prefer that my o-ring remain a one way street, but here goes -- Stand in the room of your choice and follow this handy flowchart:



broke guy wearing barrel picture -- We just spent 600 bucks on our car and it's still raining inside my house, so give me a few weeks and I'll be able to help you out with the picture. It's gonna cost you though.