I sat down to eat my dinner this evening, and as I am wont to do, I flipped on the TV. Normally with my home theatre system, I get sound before I get picture. When the sound came up, I heard someone scream.
"Cool," I thought. "A horror movie."
Unfortunately, when the picture finally kicked in, it was a horror movie of a completely different sort. I was greeted by a woman with her ankles around her ears, each leg being held back by a masked figure, while a third masked figure was busy doing something between her legs.
Now, I know what you're thinking, and I'm far too cheap to actually pay hard-earned cash for those channels when the internet is right there. Even so, I will put your collective minds at ease by mentioning the fact that they were all wearing scrubs, and the set was actually an operating room.
I must have blacked out for a second, because the next thing I know, I'm watching deleted scenes from Lord of the Rings, and they're showing the alternate footage of the Origin of Gollum:
In this particular deleted scene, it showed how he was plucked from the magical uterus of a fair maiden by the Wizard in Blue, who was never actually in the book. I think that's probably why the scene got cut.
I did learn a couple of things from this, however.
First, I learned that I should never watch the Discovery Health Channel while I'm trying to eat.
Second, I learned why they always use three month-old babies in the movies whenever they need to show a newborn -- It's because they want the audience to go "Awwwwwwwwwwww" and not "AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!"