War Pigs

Take a look at this.

Study it closely, because there's going to be a test. There are no incorrect answers. Basically, I'm looking for an answer from you guys, because nothing I can come up with explains this.

Let's go over a few things.

First, let's look at the product name: MURA: Military Pigs

That name seems to tie in nicely with the graphic, if those melon-headed, teardrop-eyed, rosy-cheeked little nightmare creatures can be considered pigs. They are clearly military somethings. One only needs to observe the bazooka-like weapon, the GI helmets and the gear belts in order to come to this conclusion.

Counter-balancing that, however, is (1) The complete lack of both clothes and genitalia, (2) The fact they they appear to be effortlessly standing on their hind legs, and (3) The fact that it appears to be snowing out. Not that it's entirely out of the question for extremely coordinated Military Pigs to conduct naked warfare in the snow -- but still.


What would you expect to be inside this package? Ammunition? Bazooka operating instructions? Bacon-flavored pork-jerky?

Well, I can tell you that it's none of the above. What is inside happens to be exactly this:

Lightly scented facial tissues.

So here's your test. It's entirely essay based (I know, you guys hate that, but no multiple-choice for finals - only midterms), and you can place your answers in my comments section. The person who receives the highest grade will get a prize.

Question One: Pigs, while generally naked, do not normally engage in warfare with hand-held weapons, or, in fact, any weapons. Come to think of it, I'm pretty sure they rarely engage in warfare at all. In 50 words or less, explain what these pigs are fighting for.

Question Two: In 50 words or less, give me your best explanation as to how these pigs lost all their clothes, but managed to hang on to their helmets and belts.

Question Three: In 50 words or less, Explain what was going through the mind of the package designer when he/she/it decided that a good graphic for a small package of Kleenex would consist of naked, bi-pedal pigs holding a bazooka.

OK, pick up your pencils and begin.


  1. Anime makes no sense to me... but I will try:

    1) The pigs are fighting because the chickens can't be bothered. If you had been to any project management classes lately, you know that chickens are interested, but pigs are COMMITTED. Especially to a ham & eggs breakfast. And yes, I really did get told that in a PM class. They're agile pigs.

    2) The pigs never had clothes. Clothes exist to cover happy parts, to keep coworkers from getting distracted, (or frightened), and these pigs have no happy parts. They got the helmets from the chickens,(see Q.1) once they all figured out the sky wasn't really falling and agile methodology is just another silly idea that will pass if we all ignore it.

    3)Don't know, but if it would keep my son from wiping his nose on his shoulder I would buy tissue with naked pigs on it, even if they are carrying guns. Come to think if it, this is certainly marketed at kids somehow. This decision was made by a woman with an 8 year old son. I'd bet money on it.

    PS: I'm sure I'll get points off for going over the 50 word limit, as it is impossible for me to be so short-winded. Please don't make me wash the chalkboards.

  2. Anonymous6:38 PM

    1) The Pigs are of course fighting a crusade to convert all the other barn yard animal to porcinelosism on behalf of the one and only pig deity.

    2) The pigs went for a roll (while on duty) in the mud and did not want to get their uniforms dirty (a sin according to commandment fourteen from the gospel according to porkey). As punishment the commander took their uniforms.

    3) The designer is selling tissue to the Korean market,where military pig animation rules...no really...see



  3. 1) They are fighting for bacon for even though there are themselves pigs they know that everyone loves bacon.

    2) They are nudist pigs. Just as the ninja use stealth in their attack Military Pigs use the surprise, as in "SURPRISE! We're naked! BLAMMO!" But they aren't stupid nudist Military Pigs and believing safety first they kept their helmets and ammo belts.

    3) My guess is the package designer fought in 'Nam and is currently using acid. That's the only explanation.

  4. 1.) that is not a bazooka it's a pig penis vacuum pump and they are simply fighting for longer, fuller, firmer, thicker erections and for their right to party.

    2.) These two pigs are as gay as a 4 dollar bill and they're naked because they're about to pack bacon.

    3.) You need somewhere to shoot the bazooka when the time comes. A tissue is nearly as good as a sock but since they have no clothes, they need some fancy bazooka toting, naked pig packaged jizz catchers.

  5. That's why there's a huge load of jizz splewed all over the wall behind them.

  6. File this under WTF?


    I'm not sleeping tonight. Because I know for a fact that if I do, THIS is gonna show up in my bedroom.


    Holy shit.

  7. At first I thought John's answers were completely disgusting and insane, but now looking at the picture again I completely agree with him. I know that's a cop-out answer but I'm too lazy and sick to be creative today.

  8. Warning:This is not an essay per se (per se pig? No?)

    The imagery owes a lot to the story of the Three Little Pigs, who were famously engaged in house-building activities. These two we see here, are the surviving two after the Big, Bad Wolf (BBW for short) has eaten Pig number one. Apparently, BBW has huffed, puffed, and blown the Little Pigs' nether garments, shirts, and genitalia to kingdom come.

    Blowing of that magnitude and verve requires some sort of retaliation.
    Therefore, the Pigs have decided on their own War on Terror. The white stuff we see as a backdrop to their heroic march on the BBW's secret bunker, is probably just porcine sweat evaporating in the desert heat. We've all heard of sweating like a Pig, right?

    My best guess on the designer who came up with this one? He is probably a Japanese fan of Pork Tornado, and the name of his idol served as major inspiration in his concept formation.
    Aaaaaaand, I'm done.

  9. Alright, now I really don't think you need to be posting images of my family here, it's not their faults..... or maybe it is....

    1. As per the redneck code, they are fighting for life, theirs. If they were not imbred and slightly retarded, they would realize that all Americans are on the same side..... shit, guess I took too many drugs too.....
    That and what redneck doesn't like firearms for the mere noise and entertainment factor....

    2. As for losing the clothes, they were in such a rush to get out the boomsticks, they just forgot to dress but they remember to pertect the most portent part, the head....

    3. Think about the poor little porker that is headed for the slaughter house... eerrr... visiting the farmers friend..... and the crap that is going to need to be cleaned up just before they are.... mmm... given the magic sleeping potion....

    Anyway, have fun and yea, it is all about the entertainment factor...


  10. 1. That's not a bazooka, or even a penis pump. Trust me, I know about these things. That's a crackpipe. The pigs are fighting for the legalization of ready rock.

    2. The pigs have sold their clothing and genitalia for crack. It's only a matter of time before the helmet and belt get hocked.

    3. The designer was clearly targeting the crackwhore demographic, which traditionally shows a strong demand for lightly scented facial tissues, due to errant moneyshots.

  11. The pigs are fighting against the rival clan of pigs who stole their clothes.

    The other clan of pigs lured them to go skinny-wallowing with some sexy nubile pigs, and then stole their clothes and snapped a poaroid of the embarassing situation.

    The package designer was a member of the rival clan, and wished to produce as many copies of the embarassing photo as possible.

    I hope that clears things up for you.

  12. this is just like high school. i'm cheating by reading everyone else’s answers first...

  13. Anonymous10:53 AM


    Click on the menu, then Gallery and Mura. VERY weird. Apparently pigs have nasal problems- check out the girl pig, drag her outfit onto the naked pig character and watch- her snot becomes a rope that daisies attach to.

    Here's MURA's stats from the site (punctuation and capitalization is theirs):

    Name: MURA
    Position: army
    Rank: private
    Serial number: 1028111
    Favorites: a hard biscuit, cute and pretty babe, green laver
    Dislikes: vacation, air bombing, handshake with other, rappel from helicopter

    Steel helmet: weighs 20kg, he always keeps it even during war and even when he eats something.
    Face: pokerfaced with his big nose of great power. no matter how bad commotion happened. his face doesn't change a bit. he is such a charismatic soldier.
    Arms: his arms has such marvelous power that make him lift any heavy things.
    Legs: his leg is speedier than eye can catch and sensitive.
    Weapon: his weapon is M-1, one bullet at a time. it has tremendous destruction power.

  14. 1. Freedom, my friend, freedom. That fat a$$ farmer Brown in Iowa has done enough damage with his farm-hands tossing them down the proverbial shoots and whatnot. The corn they eat tastes like Middle-American pig-slop, literally, and they’ve had it up to their snouts. So they’ve invested in Japanese stocks, Japanimation-come-tissuebox-art to be exact, and they’re pushing their propaganda on your snout via this everyday cold-fighting remedy…just so you feel their pain.

    2. Ahh, now THAT’S cunning. See, if I were a pig putting my Japanese propaganda art on a tissue box, I’d be naked too. Plus, while I’m already thinking as they do, I wouldn’t want to deviate entirely from real-life. There’s obviously nothing more ridiculous-looking than clothed pigs. Their artillery is unbelievable enough and thus for effect only – Fight The Man! (60 words – blast!)

    3. “A pig’s life is total and complete sh#$...that’s their plight. Those pigs are bad-a$$ to be fighting back, and I’m going to show the world just how bad-a$$ they are. Those pigs are going to fight naked in the middle of the d#$ winter, with nothing but their helmets and ammo! They’re gonna show this system a thing or two, and I’m going to do it for them!” (68 words - your word-limit sucks.)

  15. steph-a-nini is officially crazier than I am.

  16. Wow, ok, yeah, I got a little carried away on that one... You have to admit, I did commit, though. *sheepish grin*

  17. Anonymous10:20 AM

    1. If you ever had to wash a baby's butt with a wippy, you'd think it a pig crusade as well!

    2. The fisherman brings the fishing rod, the piggy brings the ammo -- clothes are unnecessary.

    3. Clearly a farmer and war-vet. My kind of guy!