6/11/05

Caution: Children

I vandalized a street sign once when I was a kid. I think I took some white spray paint and put a big DON'T on a stop sign or something equally lame. In my defense, I don't think I had actually reached puberty yet. Later on, I would see other vandalized signs in the neighborhood, but I never ran with the crowd that did that sort of thing on a regular basis. Their mods always sucked anyway -- the people who would usually tend toward that sort of behavior didn't seem to be the brightest of the bright. So normally, you'd see them changing the speed limit 30 sign to an 80, or just spraying some random crap over the Yield sign.

I think that as a result of a restless mind, and the unfulfilled delinquent tendencies I had as a child, I still see the possibilities in this extremely neglected art medium. The 'Caution: Children' sign still gets me to this day. I always speed up because I have visions of crazed zombie children swarming my car and trying to pull me out of the driver's side window and eat my brains.

So, for those of you with restless teens at home, you probably won't want them to see what's coming up next. With two paint brushes, a bit of black and yellow paint, and a few beers, this is what is possible*:


Warning - Road Apples ahead:



Watch for Farmer Brown tending to his prize Holstein:



I hate it when those headless little bastards dodge right out into traffic chasing their loose melon.



The always popular "Watch for streakers" variation:



This one is just confusing:



This one's a little bit cruel, but hey -- Closet Delinquent, remember?




*Note that I did not actually go out and vandalize these signs. I sat on my ass with a gin and tonic and the new Bowling for Soup CD and photoshopped them.

14 comments:

  1. mate, this blog is fucking quality. Even if it did take me a fucking dogs age to load the bastard thing up on Dialup with all those images.

    I'll be sticking a link on my sparsely viewed page to this bad boy, so you can look forward to approximately 2-3 more hits per month. How exciting is that?

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  2. I guess I wasn't that creative as a vandal when I was young. Props to the young creative vandals out there.

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  3. Fantastic job! Very clever.

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  4. Particularly like the confused dear, excellent!

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  5. I can't stop laughing! I like the kids with no legs one...classic. The Dept of roads (or whoever makes those signs) should offer you a job.

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  6. Hahaha the border one has ALWAYS made me laugh. It needs nothing extra, just the impression of little kids being hauled off their feet across the highway is plenty enough....an then there's the doll.

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  7. Sweet. Although I think some of these exist in my neck of the woods.

    So how's the new Soup?

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  8. I love that record. They are masters of melody, and their songs have more hooks than a tacklebox, as the saying goes...

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  9. Brilliant. I was gonna ask about the new Soup too. Guess I need to download it.

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  10. Just when I thought I was too jaded to laugh at a blog again, I have to work hard to hold my shit together at work. Very funny signs.

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  11. The Slow Children one made pop come out of my nose.

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  12. Totally! You know you've had good readin' when coffee sprays outta your nose onto your monitor. Great Job!

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  13. Anonymous6:40 AM

    Watch for falling rocks?

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