6/16/13

Picture this.

I know, I know, I haven't been around in a while.  I've been doing a lot of not-writing, and what little writing I have been doing has been put to use on a short story that I'm about 3/4 finished with, inspired by a photo taken by my friend Vidna.  No excuse, I know.  But seriously, nothing funny has happened to me lately.  I know it's hard to believe, but it's true. I also think work might have permanently damaged my humor bone.  I wonder if I can get workman's comp for that?

Riddle me this:  What weighs 300 pounds and kicked ass back in the 80's?

No, not Meatloaf.  Well, OK. Besides Meatloaf. Because nobody can deny that Mr. Loaf kicked some serious ass in his time.

Give up?  It's my ex-TV.

For the last 19 years, the television in my bedroom has been an early 80's 25" RCA made of 100% actual imitation wood. (Not to be confused with the completely inferior imitation imitation wood.)  In other words, this is actual veneer, not stick-on vinyl wood grain.  The remote is the size of a hardcover book and could be used to knock someone unconscious, which really doesn't matter much because it shit the bed a long time ago.  Probably after knocking someone unconscious. Here it is, in all its mulleted 1980's glory:



The weird thing is, I don't know what to do with this blocky monstrosity.  I feel kinda bad just throwing it out, because number one, the garbage men will probably shoot their spleens out of their ears getting this advanced piece of 1980's technology into the back of their truck, and number two, it still works fine, and that's pretty impressive for a television that's probably 30 years old.  I don't know much, but I will bet you a month of paychecks that the shiny new Sony Bravia I just replaced it with will be sitting in a landfill sometime between now and the year 2020.    

Unfortunately for this TV, it's not old enough to be vintage or kitschy -- it's what most people would probably consider butt-ugly.  The picture is still really good, but it's 4:3 and not even close to HD.  I probably couldn't give it away.  As for the audio -- it's got some new-fangled thing called 'stereo sound' or something, and it sounds really good because it has real 5"x8" speakers on each side of the cabinet.  These speakers, combined with the giant wooden case that holds the tube, will put the built-in sound of any flat screen TV on the market today to shame.

So I moved it from where it was sitting (on top of two stacked footlockers) off to the side about 3 feet onto the window seat.  That was about my limit.  Neither one of us could remember what was inside the footlockers, because the TV had been there so long.  I figured it was probably all leg warmers and Member's Only jackets, but it turned out to be bedspreads.

It doesn't have the charm of my 1949 Motorola and I don't think it ever will, no matter how old it gets:


 (That's a cool TV right there.  The night I finished restoring it, my wife and I watched Casablanca on it.  You'd be amazed at the amount of low tech crap you need to use to get a new DVD player hooked up to one of these.)  

I just recently read that some people like old tube TV's for playing vintage video games.  If you are one of these people, have I got a deal for you.  I'll even throw in a 26" Sony flat screen that weighs even more than this one for free.  All you have to do is pick them up.  And not leave any spleens laying around that I'm going to have to clean up later.

I'm going to try an experiment, and just write a few short blog entries, just to get back into it a little. So I'll apologize up front because they're not going to be funny.  And speaking of not funny, my friend Pootie has entered one of her pictures in a contest.  Check it out if you get a chance.  The site is a little annoying, but give her a vote if you can.

Also, here's something my buddy Trav wrote about me over on his blog.  I'm honored, even if he is a little nuts to think I'm inspiring.

Next up, I drive to a casino and see Bob Seger.  Yeah.  Me and Bob are tight.

28 comments:

  1. You can always set your new TV on top of the old one. That's what all of us hillbillys do. I would attach a photo but have to wait until the film is developed.

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    1. David, I seriously thought about that because it was too heavy to lift. But the old one was already sitting on 2 stacked footlockers, and we wanted to get in them because neither one of us could remember what they contained.

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  2. I have one almost exactly like that, also purchased in the 80's. It works, though it has an annoying habit of turning itself off and back on every now and then while watching it. Thank goodness it doesn't turn itself on and then off! I think it's been on once in the last couple of years and that was to watch election returns back in Nov. 2012.

    Peace <3
    Jay

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  3. Hey JV! Good to see you back! That TV looks like the one I had in my bedroom as a teenager. Same wood and ginormous remote. Enjoy your new TV and recently found bedspreads! Hope your summer is off to a good start.

    ~Khriscinda

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  4. It's just what I'm looking for, I'll take it off your hands if you think it's safe that is,it might short out or something,something weird is wrong with it actin up the way it does. The other one is a stunner! Great job!

    I'm actually writing about you today on my blog,I dug back in your history and discovered a mighty interesting fact about a gang rape,a fairy and a microphone.

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    1. Thank you! Also, your blog scares me a little. :)

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    2. Well,you have to take into consideration that I'm on my way of recovering from having a Histrionic Personality Disorder, which by the way would match perfectly with an Aspie. You don't happen to know any single male with Aperger Syndrome, do you? I'd like him to be obsessed with me,see.

      I used to fear everything myself, before Jesus got a hold of me and gave me His peace,and now I trust that He will protect me no matter how scary people or blogs are,and I'm like a rock totally trusting the Lord no matter what situation I'm in.

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    3. I'm glad you have that in your life. Good luck!

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  5. I appreciate the nod. As far as the TV goes, I guess I'm without a heart. I put TVs, no matter how old or vintage, on the chopping block the second I don't need them anymore. I've got a Panasonic plasma flat screen right now and I'm just waiting for it to look at me funny.

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  6. I bet if you put that sucker on Craigslist, someone would snatch it up. Alternatively, there's always the curb...

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    1. Craigslist, maybe. The curb, not so much...we live on a dead end street in the middle of nowhere. Also the reason I don't want Craigslist randomness as showing up on my doorstep.

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  7. Hooray for inspiring others (I read the fish person's post)!

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    1. I know, who would have thought...

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  8. First off, thanks for coming back to life!

    Second, I know what you mean about those "old" TVs. We have a 35" Sony WEGA unit here that weighs - no shit- 300lbs. Very few hours on it, perfect condition, can't give it away. These things were like $2.5K not too long ago, and you can't get rid of them to save your life. One of my brothers has one, a buddy has one, they're all sitting around collecting dust.

    Somebody said the other day that Goodwill will come with a couple guys and truck and take it away, leaving you with a receipt for a charitable deduction that you can fill out yourself. I'm gonna try that on for size, see if it works. Might be an out for you, too.

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  9. I love Bob Seger. We saw him back in April, with Joe Walsh opening. It was a great show, Bob was happy to be home and really enjoying himself.

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    1. Where did you see him?

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    2. He's too pretty to be my type,but I must admit well preserved.How about you Johnny?

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    3. Not my type either.

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  10. I thought you couldn't watch shows on non-HD things now? Has someone been feeding me guv'ment lies (Diesel)?

    I think you should donate that museum piece to the Squattersons. And I'm glad you're back.

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    1. They lied to you. Any tv will work with a cable box.

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  11. Had one of those monstrosities at a garage sale this last weekend and couldn't give it away. Maybe you can put it in the yard and turn it into a planter or something.

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  12. The Goodwill and the Salvation Army won't take it either. They won't even take a computer that's more than 3 years old. My garage is filling up with old computers, printers, scanners, television sets and ginormous speakers. And a couple of DVD players. When they start to invade the rest of the house, I plan to sell it.

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  13. What to do with an old TV? That's why you have neighbors, after dark ya put it in their yard.

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  14. I actually did that with my last one. The town was cleaning up some rathole nearby and they made the mistake of putting a dumpster out front. That thing was full by dawn the next day. I practically had to wait in line to ditch my TV.

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  15. JV, You're handy with tools (no dirty intended) take out the guts turn it into a dog/cat bed, small bar, book shelves. This is exactly why pinterest is so great, tons of ideas for old tv's.

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  16. JV You're good with tools (no dirty intended). Take out the guts and turn it into a dog/cat bed, small bar, or bookshelves. This is why pinterest is so great. Tons of ideas.

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  17. I'm no expert on funny, but the new posts apparently aren't going to be short. I too have felt a disturbance in the writing force, but I'm not sure it's a bad thing. I like doing it like it's not my job. Oh, and I got rid of my 20" 1980 model Sony just last year. Still worked, and the remote was even working, though the mute key tended to stick where a dog chewed it. It was probably spewing enough radiation to cook a hot dog, but it looked great!

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