4/12/12

Stick your family.

Since I spend about two hours a day on the road, I see a lot of vehicles with those stick figure family decals on the back. For some reason, those things annoy me. I mean, don't get me wrong, I know you're happy you have a big family you're proud of, and have a need to share it with the world, and I have to admit that those stickers are marginally better than the Jesus fish stickers, but here's the deal: I don't care how many kids you have, and I don't care how many animals you have, and I don't care what your hobbies are, I just want you to get the fuck out of the passing lane if you're going to go 55.

Most of the time, the stickers just make me judge you, because I know that if you have ten cat stickers on the back of your car, your co-workers are eating cat hair and trace amounts of feces every time you bring cookies to the bake sale.

It got me thinking though. If I were single and rich, I would totally do this:



Full disclosure: I actually just bought a geeky sticker for my car on Amazon. I didn't get it yet, but supposedly it shipped so I should have it soon. I'll post a picture when it shows up so you can all bust my balls.



38 comments:

  1. You and Diesel are sharing a brain today, aren't you?

    And I like your idea, even if it does deface a Porsche.

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    Replies
    1. He was also posting about the stickers on people's cars. I just thought it was funny.

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  2. I once saw a car on the highway on my morning commute (in my very conservative part of Pennsyltuckey) that had 3 or 4 kid decals, a man, and 2 women. I was unfortunately unable to get a picture at 70+mph, but I did give me both a smile and a story to tell at work. I'm still not sure if it was trolling, sister-wives, polyamory, or an attempt to depict an oldest daughter, but I honestly don't care. My favorite depiction of this decal thing: http://xkcd.com/946/

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    1. That's great! I saw one that said The Ass Family. And they were named dumb, wise, smart, lazy and stupid.

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  3. Anonymous10:14 PM

    Every time I see a sticker on a car it makes me think of that road rage study.

    I doubt it will let me link here, but you can find references to it easily by searching "bumper sticker road rage linked" (sans quotes).

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  4. Those stickers are the most useless things our local Ace Hardware has for sale.

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  5. Anonymous2:16 AM

    If I saw that Porsche with the one guy sticker, I'd put another guy sticker on there positioned so that they were holding hands.

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    1. Anon, that would be funny as hell

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  6. Anonymous8:31 AM

    It only makes me think of my mother telling me that if I put one of those on my car I'd be advertising my child to all the crazies in the world! I did find this one the other day - I dunno, it's kinda raunchy - but it does give a big ol' screw you to everyone else with their stick figures... https://www.facebook.com/#!/photo.php?fbid=320826534650092&set=a.268489309883815.67691.268330443233035&type=1&theater

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    1. Carlo1:01 PM

      I agree-- I call them "The Pedophile Inventory"

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  7. Chris9:47 AM

    I just saw those in a catalog - only the stick figures were all zombies, so you could make your own zombie family (including skeletal pets). Those are the ones I want.

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  8. I will say that I see a lot of them here in Houston as well. I was driving the other day and saw a Subaru with a lady stick figure and at least 15 cats. More than awesome.

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  9. I should send you a picture so I could be blog fodder for you, but we had a crap ton of those Apple stickers that come with every single Apple product, so for our family of 4 we put 2 big apples and 2 mini apples on the back of our mini-van. Let the the good natured teasing commence.

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    1. As an apple fanboy, I could get behind that one.

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  10. I've been thinking about getting a bunch of those kid stickers for the back of my minivan just as a joke. (I only have one child.) But I *love* sarahlovesfabric's idea even more. I figure one man, three or four women and about 15 kids ought to do it.

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  11. ...I might get the cats and put them on my wife's car.

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  12. I always like the Baby on Board thing. Like by my seeing that I will change my reckless driving habits while in the vicinity of that car!

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    1. All I can think of when I see one of those is Gallager holding up a doll nailed to a pine board.

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  13. Anonymous1:48 PM

    Have you seen the flip-flop version yet? Where the Dad is represented by the biggest pair of flip-flops, the mom a slightly smaller pair, and then small pairs of flip-flops for the children? Trust me, it is even more nauseating than the original stick figures.

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    1. No I havent! That sounds horrible.

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  14. ........and, because I'm twisted and trust NO ONE...

    Go ahead and put Itsy, Bitsy, and Flipsy on your car. Tell me they are in band, chess, and cheerleading. Then, let me follow you home and get your address.

    You smug bee-yotch (or bastid as the case may be) have just provided me with your home address, your kid's names, their after-school activities and the school they go to.

    Smooth move, Ex-Lax.

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  15. My favorite window sticker was on the back of a Jeep Cherokee that said "If you're gonna ride my ass... at least pull my hair!" The best part was it was driven by a woman! I took a picture but at 70 mph it's too blurry to read.

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  16. Valerie Campbell10:57 AM

    In realty, if I had those stickers on my car, it would be 2 adults, 5 kids, 3 dogs, 2 chinchillas, 2 turtles, 2 hamsters, 2 toads, 1 bearded dragon... Maybe a Noah's ark sticker would suffice.

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    Replies
    1. So how do the chinchillas and the bearded dragon get along?

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  17. Valgal10:59 AM

    (Oops, I meant to post as "Valgal" like I usually do. I blew my cover! LOL)

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  18. I really want to take a razor blade and scrape those stick people stickers off of windows. It's almost as bad as all the memorial stickers in people's windows. Some days I swear my commute is one long traveling memorial.

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  19. Anonymous2:16 PM

    I have often thought that there must be some sort of a sarcastic variant on those insipid things that I could market and get rich. I have not been able to think of one. I remember in the early 90s when someone was selling little pictures of screws that one could sneak up and place over the heart picture on those "I (heart) my dog" or "I (heart) my cat", etc... bumper stickers. Very rude, but pretty funny - at least to someone like me with a puerile sense of humor

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  20. I don't mind the stick figures too much, unless there's like 18 of them taking up the entire window. Didn't you have ANYTHING better to do...

    I am proud of the Apple stickers we have on both the minivan and the kid's Jeep Grand Cherokee. For one thing, it helps me find the vehicles in a sea of look-alike cars. I think everyone purchasing either a Toyota Sienna or JGC in 2003 bought gold and silver, respectively. Before Hubby slapped those stickers on I can't tell you how many times I tried to get into the wrong car!

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  21. I think the Apple stickers are cute because they're original.

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  22. I live in the Canadian equivalent of Texas... where these stickers (which seem to have a disturbing affinity with the Jesus fish) are quite common. My partner and I have thought of putting them up just to upset the conservative crowd: two men and four kitties... preferably in rainbow colours. I'd have to make these myself, however, I fear...

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  23. Anonymous4:28 PM

    My threat to my family is to get one woman and 10 or 12 men and put them on. Just to make people look.

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  24. I like the stick figures on the back of cars. It helps me to calculate how many sticks of dynamite I'm gonna need to move their slow asses down the highway and out of my way...

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  25. I keep meaning to buy the "and chips" fish for my car.

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  26. I saw a stick family that had momma and 4 kids on left and a BIG space then dad and pregnant woman on right. Caption under them baby daddy and baby daddy's ho

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  27. I saw a good stick figure family. Momma and 4 kids on left then a big space with dad and pregnant woman. Captioned baby daddy and baby daddy's ho.

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