Sex and Acid. These two things don't mix. Except on my blog.

I was perusing CNN today while I was waiting for my computer to finish getting boned by Radia, and after I read about the horrible shooting in Arizona, I stumbled upon an article with the title "Despite Claiming Abstinence, Young Adults Test Positive for STDs."

My first thought was of Inigo Montoya. "You keep using that word - abstinence. I do not think it means what you think it means."

To give you the gist of it, the study involved 14,000 young people who were tested for chlamydia, gonorrhea and trichomoniasis. I don't even know what that last one is, but it sounds like something you get from eating undercooked pork.

The funniest reason the researchers gave for their odd results was that the survey respondents "may have simply forgotten that they had sex."


I suppose it's technically possible to be so drunk or wasted that you don't remember having sex, but when I was a young adult, I got laid so infrequently that wasn't something that really slipped my mind, regardless of my level of intoxication. When I actually succeeded in having sex, I walked around for weeks afterward, remembering it with amazing clarity and detail. I always managed to remain STD-free so I guess I led a pretty sheltered life.

When I first saw the headline on this next one, I thought, "Big Deal. Some people like to do that kind of shit when they're on spring break."

But no, he really tripped and fell. In actual acid. The kind that eats flesh and bone. Two hundred gallons of sulfuric acid spilled because a "pipe broke during delivery to the casino."

First of all, WTF? Why is the casino having vats of acid delivered? Is that how the get rid of people who can't cover their gambling debts? Maybe it's how they keep people from swimming in the fountains. I have no idea. Second of all, I can't believe the story just sort of glossed over that bit. They write the story like, "Oh yeah, everyone knows about the tanker truck acid deliveries. That's not news."

OK, I'm off to Google it so I can sleep tonight.

p.s. - if you are one of the wonderful people who bought my book, I'd love it if you could post a review on Amazon, Barnes & Noble or GoodReads. Thanks!


  1. Maybe they're running an underground concentration camp for those who get caught cheating at the casinos.

  2. Trichomonas is definitely something you don't want. Trust me; I'm a gynecologist.


  3. You're probably close - the acid may have been bound for fountains or pools. Water features in Vegas can run into the millions of gallons, and their water is (or was) pretty alkaline, so they add a lot of acid to balance the pH and keep nasty scale from building up on the sides and in the pipes. But really, you don't just leave it lying around!

    Maybe the problem with the kids is the same as a former president - different definitions of sex.

  4. Along the lines of what kc said, Vegas is water challenged, so they need to recycle it a lot for the pools and fountains. Chances are they run the water through demineralizers and the ionic resins in these systems are regenerated using an acid like sulfuric. Demineralized water is also required for boiler and steam systems.

  5. What I'd like to know is how on earth the guy (or anyone) got close enough to the acid in the first place. You can't breathe around it! When I was a kid we were bringing acid and chlorine home for our pool, and the acid bottle tipped over in the back of the van. Let me tell you, I felt like I was suffocating and the burning and tears was horrible. My dad careened off the road and we all tumbled out, all I remember after that was sitting there trying to breathe until we were able get back in the van about an hour later. Yikes.

  6. I just figured it was for a magic show.

    Like a really slow and horrible disappearing trick.

  7. kristina12:30 PM

    "I did not have sexual relations with that woman." Oral and objects not included, apparently...

    They bring in the acid to rinse your eyeballs after viewing Siegfried & Roy prancing around in their costumes.

  8. Please tell me you found the answer to the burning acid question on google!

  9. Anonymous6:07 PM

    I purchased two copies, one for me and one to give my friend for her birthday next week. I can't wait to read it, and will definitely post a review once I have a chance to read more of it!

  10. I will buy your book.
    I read your blog all the time!
    I won't "like" your group...

    please accept this haiku as an expression of my atonement.