Hanna-Barbera got it wrong. Who knew?

It's been an interesting week. I was working from home last Friday and while I was in my office, I heard a crashing noise. I was on the phone and figured one of the cats had knocked something over, so I didn't think much about it.

About a half hour later, Jesse, our Siamese, limped in to the office and sat there on his back legs like a woodchuck. I picked him up and flipped him over and instantly knew what happened. He had jumped up on the top of the blazing wood stove, apparently not knowing that hot=pain.

All the tough outer skin on his paw pads was blistered off and hanging, and underneath was swollen, red, raw skin. Just looking at it made my feet hurt. So I immediately called my boss, logged off and drove him to the vet. She had to clip the blistered skin off of 3 of his feet, apply ointment and bandages, and give him an antibiotic. All to the tune of $250 bucks or thereabouts.

That's not the bad part. The bad part is that we have to change the bandages twice a day for about three weeks, give him antibiotics and keep him secluded from the other two cats because he isn't supposed to scratch around in their litter. Instead, he gets to use this horrible shit made from compressed newspapers that looks exactly like rabbit food pellets (except they're grey) and is about as absorbent as it sounds, which is to say I might as well fill the litterbox with m&m's.

He's been amazingly tolerant of the whole twice-a-day procedure, and his paws are healing up nicely. The pain medication makes him think he's invincible, and he beats the hell out of his feet -presumably, because they don't hurt. The drug also turns him into a crazy wild beast who won't sleep and is determined to chew his own legs off, so we've stopped giving it to him.

The problem we have now is that his paws dry out and crack and start to bleed, so we've been pretty religious about changing out the bandages. We feel horrible that this happened, and it's partially my fault for leaving the kettle off the top of the stove -- but still, he has to take at least part of the blame. The other cats never did that shit, and he's supposed to be the smart one.

I know you're all thinking, "Who cares? We don't want to hear about your cat. Entertain us! That's what we pay you for!"

With that in mind, there is one funny thing that came out of all this. Every time we change his bandages, he does this for the first five minutes:


And I laugh my ass off. Every single time. I'm mean.


  1. Oh my God...I'm so with you. Once, I put a piece of rolled-up masking tape on my cat's back and she flattened herself on the ground as though it was a 50-pound anvil. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to watch your video again...

  2. Anonymous6:49 PM

    I need to book mark that sucker.. I haven't laughed that hard in a long long time. Apparently I am mean also. The kitty pain killer sounds like good stuff. My doctor only gives me tylenol. Lucky stupid cat.

  3. Cats are great fun. Sadly, they are often entertaining even when they hurt.

  4. I guess I am a mean, sadistic whose-it because I put tape on kitty's paws when I am need of a good belly laugh. Did it when I was a kid too...hmmm.

    Oh well--I thank you for the video, and my kitty Kyla thanks you as well. It saves her from the indignity of having me tape her pads for poops and giggles.

    Oh--and I don't think I'll ever look at M&Ms the same...ever.

  5. Nancy8:37 PM

    Great video. That's the same choreographty our cats have performed when walking in a few inches of snow. It IS funny. And, no, you're not mean because we know what a cat die-hard you are.

    I hope he feels quickly.

    Nancy in PA

  6. The old kitty shake-a-leg dance.
    I hope Kitty finds his little kitty brain soon.

  7. "...which is to say I may as well fill the litterbox with m&m's."
    Laugh out loud funny. Needed it. Thanks.

  8. Funny stuff, even though I'm not a cat person.

    Hey dude, I've been following you for awhile, but you never come say "Hi".


  9. That is freakin hilarious!

  10. Having lived with several Siamese during my life, I'm surprised she made such a stupid move. They're usually a lot smarter than that.

    Funny video, though. Once in a while I used to put a short piece of scotch tape on kitty's head between her ears, just to watch her walk backwards all over the house.

  11. I was feeling all sorry for the poor baby, until I saw that video. Then my dog came running to see what I was howling about. Seriously, tears of mirth. That's awesome. I think my FB friends need to see it.

  12. Anonymous12:45 AM

    OUCH! I'm glad your cat's feet are healing well; that sounds both awful and gross.

    Great video!

  13. Lesson learned, I guess.

    Our cat used to walk like that after giving it a bath. It was hilarious.

  14. Oh my God... poor you!

    I think if you submit that little film to AFV you could win a cash prize.

    Very funny video... thanks for sharing it!

  15. When our cat was declawed (don't judge-- he's a 16 pound bruiser moggy that was scarring us PERMANENTLY) he came home with one of his paws bandaged and once in a while, usually in the middle of the night,it would suddenly bother him and he'd batter my face with it like he was hitting a speedbag.

  16. Awwww. Poor baby. I'm so sorry she got hurt, but I fell over from laughing at the video. Now I feel all kinds of mean.

  17. Cassie2:47 PM

    Loving your work Mr Virgil...

    Am a new follower who whilst being laid up with a broken ankle have read all your posts...

    and the last post has this classic video on it!

    Please thank your cat for making me laugh and laugh.

  18. Anonymous5:13 PM

    Just found your blog...sorry kitty got hurt, but that video is priceless...we had a dog who would do that when we put rain boots on him!!! (sometimes it wasn't even raining...that is bad!)

  19. *howls with laughter*

  20. I love that you love your cats.

  21. Poor kitty!!!
    SUPER funny video - I love it and truly appreciate the background music. :)

    You've totally turned me off of M&M's now. Thanks.

  22. I watched that video a couple of times and it amused the shit out of me!!!

  23. KMarie8:55 PM

    Sorry about your poor kitty.

    Thanks for the video. I so needed that laugh!

    I've never deliberately put tape on my cats but may just have to try a piece between the ears like Cagey did. Could be quite comical. I guess I'm just mean like that...

  24. Anonymous12:15 AM

    Serves him right, jumping up on things!

  25. Anonymous10:14 AM

    I've always felt that we have pets for our own amusement (not theirs!)...

  26. Funniest pet video win!

  27. Poor babycat! I hope he gets better fast. That video is hysterical. I feel your pain on the litter. I had my cat declawed (I know. I know. Bad cat mommy) and he had to use that disgusting stuff for a week!

  28. If you put a clothes pin just on the hair of a cat's tail, that's pretty entertaining also.

    Poor kitty! You are lucky you haven't bee scratched to death!

  29. Anonymous1:14 PM

    *ouch* sorry about your kitty..

    At least you didn't have to go the "cone head" route due to the cat trying to chew off the bandages. This leaves you with (a) injured kitty walking funny, (b) seriously p!ssed off kitty because he/she can't groop itself, (c) kitty requiring constant attention & monitoring a couple times day, when you need to temp'ly take the cone off so it can eat/drink.

    I went through that routine once with my cat for 2 weeks and believe me neither of us liked it one bit.

    But yes I laughed my @ss off at the video too... poor thing (*snicker*).

  30. Anonymous1:33 PM

    HA! Living with cats is never dull. Thanks for the laugh that walk is priceless.
    For the cracking and bleeding our vet told us we could put Vaseline on our dogs paws when they got frostbitten one winter. They kept cracking open when they were healing.
    And no we aren't bad humans he ran away and by the time we caught him it had happened.

  31. LOL! Poor kitty. ROFL!

    Word veri = waking

  32. I feel like a bad parent. You have your cats at the doctor more than I take my kids.

  33. Anonymous8:26 PM

    That's the same dance that my Siamese (from my college days) did after she rolled off the top of the tv where she'd sleep for warmth.

    She got her leg stuck in the wire mesh of the tv stand and was hanging upside down screeching. I freed her and set her on the floor, and then her whole body shuddered, she thrust out her leg (alal your video), and then very casually sauntered off with a "I meant to do that *sniff*" glance over her shoulder.

    I laughed my ass off then as now.

  34. Jenny9:32 PM

    JV, ever seen this?


  35. what he does is not what i was expecting and i totally love it!!

  36. oh, no...I'm giggling. thanks for the good laugh.

    (Get well soon, kitty!)

  37. Anonymous9:12 PM

    Even knowing the kitty is well cared for, it is a wicked guilty pleasure to laugh. Years ago, I had a cat jump on the woodstove, but she didn't get burned, lucky for both of us. She never ever did it again. Great stories! Thanks for the laughter.

  38. Britt9:24 PM

    Bad news, JV:


  39. Sorry about your cat!!! Poor thing! But that video is hilarious...

  40. Anonymous3:53 PM

    My family and I were sitting in the living room one day in front of the fireplace (gas) and someone asked "is that the cat BEHIND the fire"... yes, the cat was BEHIND the fire somehow! He didn't have any whiskers left, but he was OK when we got him out. Those siamese cats are crazy...

  41. Ahhh bless, what a cutie. Sorry to hear about the injuries but that is a funny vid!

  42. Fangdoc10:06 AM

    We have a bluepoint applehead Siamese who likes to jump up on our gas kitchen stove in order to look out the window. (You see where this is going...) Fortunately he only melted some whiskers and singed some belly fur, but the dumbass continues to jump up there. Everything I read about Siamese cats mentions how intelligent they are. I think ours was bred for looks and not for brains.

  43. In the words of my (almost) 3 year old, "Po', po' kitty!" Bless her little feline heart. Hopefully she learned her lesson.
    We have a rescue Siamese and he's a riot (mostly I like messing with him for my own selfish entertainment). Try tying a sock around their middle for mucho entertainment.

  44. Now that is funny. I do feel bad for the cat.

  45. That video was worth all of the other "cat" talk! Hysterical!

  46. Don't listen to those who don't want to hear about your cats. I hope the siamese get better soon!

  47. Hilarious - I'll have to make a video of my dog when I put her boots on. She walks with this really high step for the first few minutes. Good tune, too!

  48. Anonymous2:53 PM

    Great. I discovered your blog today and what do I get for it? Mascara running down my face and strange looks from the clients in the lobby here.