The Penie Genie

I really have to stop posting the searches that lead people to my blog. According to site meter, I am fast becoming the foremost authority on all things testicle, and that can only end badly for everyone involved. More than half my Google searches every week center on genitalia questions of some form or another, and I cannot believe that people actually click on my blog link based upon half a dozen random words in 3 different paragraphs. It clearly has nothing at all of value to them, yet they click on it anyway.

At any rate, it's time for that most regular of 15 Minute Lunch features:

Fantastic Google Searches that Somehow Led People to My Site

is no hair on your scrotum when you're 15 normal? - That depends upon whether you're talking about years or inches. Either way, nobody is really going to care. In the first case, nobody but you will see it, and in the second case, you'll be in such demand it won't matter.

what causes penis head to crack and bleed? - Ball peen hammers, propane torches, hot irons, sunbathing naked, boiling water, liquid nitrogen...the list really is almost endless. They're not indestructible. Maybe you should get a little helmet for it if you're having a problem with this. Or just don't take it out so much.

taken for a ride in the woods and castrated - This gripping, tell-all novel recounts the terrifying, true story of one dog's personal journey into a private hell. The book's protagonist, Fido, takes you on a horrifying emotional rollercoaster from start to finish, and the action just never stops.* You will be crossing your legs in terror, as you realize that no one and nothing is safe -- not you.....and not your penis.

Everyday italian with Giardia - Call me crazy, but I'm thinking a cooking show hosted by an intestinal parasite probably wouldn't do well. Nothing says "Yummo" like abdominal pains, diarrhea, nausea, dehydration and flatulence.

How to fuck a pregnant woman - Wait until she is in the shower, and then move to Arizona, change your name to Steve Smith and open a record store that sells nothing but vinyl copies of Yanni's Greatest Hits.

drop the soap you must - OK. Now I'm pretty sure Yoda is gay.

bad smell from testicle - I do not even want to visualize the apparent contortions you must have subjected your spine to in order to definitively determine that it was, in fact, a single testicle that was to blame for said odor.

Dammit. Too late.



* Well, until the end, when all the action pretty much stops, which is kind of the point of the whole trip to the woods if you really think about it.