Special Dark always tells us that English is his second language, but we are pretty sure he doesn't have a first language. He's a great guy, and good-natured about all the ball-busting we dish out, but being around him for any length of time means that you will almost certainly witness inappropriateness of some kind or another in very short order.
This is the story of Special Dark and the similarities he shares with Martin Luther King. They actually have a lot in common, when you think about it.
Martin Luther King Jr: One of the pivotal leaders of the American Civil Rights movement, and the youngest person ever to receive the Nobel Peace Prize. One of the greatest orators in U.S. history.
Special Dark: Also black.
I recently found out that Special Dark has a fondness for Canada. How do I know this? Well, the training I went to a couple of weeks ago was sponsored by a Canadian company, and as a result our trainer was Canadian. Special Dark sat next to her at dinner, and I sat across the table from them. Since it's an election year, there was talk of a political nature, since the Canadians don't do things like we do. We were wondering what her opinion was of our method of governing, and she filled us all in. We were getting into it pretty heavily, and opinions about different methods of governing were being actively discussed.
Suddenly, Special Dark piped up. "You know what I love about Canada?" he asked. We all expected him to say something about the House of Commons, or maybe praise the current Prime Minister. Instead he said, "They have a lot of mixed race couples there. And everywhere you look, there's regular dudes with hot chicks. And I mean super-model hot."
The conversation ground to an immediate halt. Then, for emphasis, in case we didn't fully understand the ramifications of his statement, he swung a thumb at his chest and added "I'm talking about dudes like me."
If there's one thing Special Dark can't stand, it's an empty silence focused on him. If everyone is staring at him, he will do one thing consistently: He will dig himself deeper into whatever hole he has started for himself. So of course, he had to expound upon his theory.
"There's a lot of hot Asian women too," he said, this time to our instructor, who could do nothing but nod in agreement. Then, almost as an afterthought, he added, "That's my fantasy."
Everyone immediately cracked up. "No, wait" he said. "My fantasy isn't to be with an Asian super-model. Well, it is, but that's not what I'm trying to say. What I mean is, the world would be a better place if there were more mixed race couples." He paused for second, then in desperation said, "Racism: Bad. Mixed race couples equals less racism. Less racism: Good. That's my fantasy."
There was an uncomfortable silence, and before Special Dark could go on to bury himself even deeper, Scott said, "Um, did you mean dream?"
"Yes!" he said. "That's what I meant! I have a dream."
So while attempting to make a definitive statement about the status of the civil rights movement in Canada vs. the U.S., and how best to attack the problem of racism using Canada as a model, all he managed to do was inform everyone at the table that he wants to bang a hot Asian chick.
Because that's just how he rolls.
Ever since, we've been referring to it as Special Dark's "I Have A Fantasy" speech. I, for one, think we should memorialize the day of this speech with a national holiday, because let's face it -- we could all use more time off from work.
So here's to SD Day - Feb 28th, 2009.